


Fading Memories

by TheLastCousland



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Childhood, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 11:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3326348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLastCousland/pseuds/TheLastCousland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alistair met Elissa Cousland when he was nothing more than a small neglected boy living in the Redcliff kennels. However when he meets her again years later the bold girl he knew has been dulled by tragedy. Can he help her find herself again whilst trying to save the world? And what will he do when he begins to feel more for her than just friendship?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Days Gone By

“Once upon a time, there was a boy. He lived in a village that no longer exists, in a house that no longer exists, on the edge of a field that no longer exists, where everything was discovered, and everything was possible. A stick could be a sword, a pebble could be a diamond, a tree, a castle. Once upon a time, there was a boy who lived in a house across the field, from a girl who no longer exists. They made up a thousand games. She was queen and he was king. In the autumn light her hair shone like a crown. They collected the world in small handfuls, and when the sky grew dark, and they parted with leaves in their hair.

Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”  
― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

 

* * *

 

Short, quick breaths escaped him as he ran as fast as his legs would carry him, his prize held tightly against his chest. Alistair rounded the corner into the dog kennels. The sweet smell of new straw welcomed him as he settled into a stack in the back of the row. Allowing himself a bit to catch his breath, he finally opened up his hands to reveal their treasure. A small wedge of cheese was sitting in his hand looking up at him. He smiled to himself, proud of his sneaking skills earlier when he had managed to grab this when the rest of the kitchen staff was distracted with the evening meal. They were all extra busy that night. There were some sort of visitors staying with the Arl, The sort of visitors that meant that Alistair had to stay out of sight. Alistair grimaced as he remembered the stern talking to he had received from lady Isolde earlier, about how the visiting family didn't want to have to see some filthy little urchin running around underfoot.

The blond haired lad was about to tuck in to his small snack, when he heard a scrabbling sound come from the upper rafters. As he looked up he had just enough time to see a large mass fall from the ceiling landing in a nearby stack of hay with a light grunt. Alistair paused, hand half way to his mouth as he watched the hay move as a head of dark hair popped out, shaking itself vigorously. The head swiveled around and Alistair was greeted by a pair of deep forest green eyes, too big for the small pale face they sat on.

"Oh!" Alistair jumped as a small voice exclaimed when the peculiar set of eyes saw him sitting in the hay. "I didn't know there were any other children here! I was out here playing because I was so bored."

The voice, it turned out, was attached to a young girl, maybe only a year or so younger than him. Alistair suddenly became uncomfortable; there weren't many children at Redcliff castle, most of them stayed in the town. The few who did come up were small boys who liked to watch the soldiers train. He really had no experience with girls, and what he had heard about them from the other boys lead him to believe they weren't something he wanted to mess with. All dolls, dress up, and playing house. In his silence, the girl just kept talking at him, unperturbed that he wasn't responding.

"My name is Elissa, I was just exploring the castle, when I wound up outside. I came in here to see if there were any Mabari around, and I figured I could get a better look in the pens from up there," She quickly gestured up to the ceiling. "But as you can see I couldn't keep my balance." Alistair kept his mouth shut, she didn't seem to need a reply from him as she proceeded to ramble about Mabari and how she really wanted one, and how her parents said she had to wait a few more years.

"So, what's your name?" Elissa asked leaning in closer, looking so intently at Alistair that he had to look away.

"My name's Alistair." He mumbled looking down at the warming cheese in his hand, temporarily forgotten.

"That's a really nice name." She said beaming at him. "Do you want to play with me Alistair?"

Alistair looked up at her, feeling a bit worried. He felt like this girl wasn't going to take no for a answer so he nodded his head reluctantly. It didn't seem possible but her smile managed to get even wider as she grabbed his open hand and pulled him up as he wrapped his piece of cheese in a cloth and stashed it in the corner of a empty pen.

She pulled him outside where she quickly found two sticks, and handed him one. Quickly she twirled on him, l wielding the stick like a blade. "Watch out evil chevalier! You won't defeat me!" she shouted as she lunged for him waving her stick. He brought his up to block her attack, knocking her back slightly as he feel naturally into the game.

"No, you silly ferelden," He said putting on the best orleasian accent he could. "I will have your 'ead!" she giggled as she parried his blow; he grinned from ear to ear as their 'fight' progressed. Alistair laughed loudly, having more fun than he could remember in a long time.

"Elissa!"

Elissa dropped her stick quickly as her eyes widened. She whirled around to face a a woman quickly walking towards them with a stern expression on her face.

"Elissa Cousland, what did I tell you about dirtying your good clothes?" The woman had come to a stop in front of Elissa her arms crossed, she had yet to turn her gaze towards Alistair and he wondered if he could manage to sneak away before she noticed him. No such luck sadly.

"But mother I just wanted to play with my new friend!" Elissa said gesturing towards Alistair. He looked at her surprised; he had never had someone call him a friend before. He would have been happier about it were it not for Elissa's mother looking like she was about to skin her own daughter.

"Yes dear it's nice that you have found a friend here, but I told you that there would be trouble if you went about ruining your nice new clothes." Elissa looked down at her feet, kicking a bit of dirt.

"I'm sorry mother." She said defeated.

Her mother let out a long sigh, her features relaxing somewhat. "I know dear, I just wanted you to look nice for the Arl while we are here visiting him."

Alistair's eyes widened at that. These were the guests, the guests that weren't supposed to know he was here. He panicked silently about what Lady Isolde would do to him when she found out. While he was worrying quietly Elissa's mother finally turned her gaze to Alistair.

Alistair fidgeted nervously as she stared at him, but he saw her eyes soften as she looked over his worn clothes that were slightly too big, and his messy hair with bits of straw sticking out of it.

"I think you and you're friend might be hungry after all that fighting I saw you doing," She said to her daughter. "How about you two come with me and we'll find something sweet for the both of you."

Alistair didn't think this would be a good idea, especially if the Arlessa saw him, but Elissa came bounding over to him beaming. She took his hand and proceeded to drag him with her towards the kitchens, going on about what types of cookies they might have, and what flavors were her favorite. As she pulled him along Alistair suddenly didn't feel so worried anymore.

* * *

 

Light had just started to invade the room when Elissa awoke, silently creeping out of her bed. She rushed to put her clothes on, ones that her mother wouldn't get after her for getting dirty, and crept towards the door. She stuck her head out of her door, looking down the hall way to see if any guards were about before making her way towards the kitchens. She moved as quietly as her little legs would allow. She knew that if she got caught she may not be able to get in some play time with her new friend before she was expected to stand with her parents while they went through the dull responsibilities of dinning with the Arl's family and touring the nearby town.

She smiled as she thought of last night, cramming the sweet roll she had gotten from the warm chubby cook as she and Alistair talked about all sorts of things. Well, it had mainly been her talking and Alistair just nodding with what she said. But he had laughed when she told him of the frogs she had hidden in her brother's bed a few weeks ago, and how he had gone screaming from his room wearing nothing but his smalls. As they ate the Arlessa had come down to discuss the following mornings breakfast with the cook when she found the two children sitting at the table together. Elissa didn't really understand but The Arlessa had looked very angry while she walked over to the pair. She looked like she was about to say something when she spied Elissa's mother standing to the side watching them eat.

"Oh, m-my lady Cousland," Isolde stuttered. "I did not see you there."

Eleanor stood, her lips pursed in a tight smile. "Yes, I was just here with my daughter and her new friend," she said gesturing towards Alistair. "It is so nice she has found someone to play with around her own age while we are here. I had so worried about her finding it dull, but now it seems my worrying was for nothing."

Lady Isolde looked at Alistair with a long cold glare before fixing a smile on her face. "Yes, it will be nice for Alistair to have a play mate for a change," Her voice dripped with sweetness. "Though I worry about your daughter spending time with someone so far below her station."

Elissa watched this conversation not really understanding why it seemed so tense.

"Well they are just children, so I really don't think it should be such a problem." Lady Cousland said in a way which made it very apparent the conversation was done.

"Now," she continued turning back to the children. Young lady I think you need a bath, then off to bed."

Elissa opened her mouth to argue but one look from her mother put that to rest before it began. "Say goodnight to your friend and maybe you can play together tomorrow after dinner."

Elissa nodded and got up walking over to Alistair who had remained quiet during the whole exchange staring at his feet. He looked up at Elissa when she came to a stop in front of him. "Goodnight Alistair, see you tomorrow." She smiled at him and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

Alistair was shocked by this and wasn't sure what to do, but she let go before he even thought about hugging her back. "G-goodnight." He said going red in the face out of embarrassment.

Elissa smiled and took her mother's hand walking upstairs.

Elissa smiled again as she snuck into the kitchen, grabbing two rolls sitting on a table before making her way outside. She looked about the yard, giving it a once over for guards before running towards the kennels.

She slowed down as she entered them, walking to the back, where he had been yesterday, and found him in the same bale of hay snoring lightly. She giggled as she saw a little bit of drool dribbling out the side of his mouth. He looked very deep in sleep so she sat down next to him and took a hunk out of one of the rolls, popping it in her mouth. They had obviously just been baked and were still warm as she ate quietly looking down at Alistair.

He had even more straw in his hair from having slept in the stuff, he was small, scrawny by her standards, but she was used to her big brother who was always eating and had started to build up some muscles from the sword training he had started. His clothes were dirty, and had holes in different places. She was wondering why he was sleeping without a blanket when he started moving.

She was still staring at him when he opened his eye. He squeaked and humped up panting hard from being startled. Elissa started laughing loudly.

"You sounded like a mouse!" She said when her laughs had finally settled into giggles.

Alistair frowned at her. "What are you doing here? I thought we weren't supposed to play until tonight." Alistair's voice was thick from having just been asleep as he rubbed his eyes.

"Yeah, but I wanted to see you before we had to go do boring stuff today," She said wrinkling her nose at the thought. "Plus I thought you might be hungry when you woke up." She handed him the other roll she had grabbed from the kitchens. Alistair took it from her and looked at it for a bit before taking a bite. He quickly ate it while Elissa watched.

"Why do you sleep out here?" Elissa asked innocently.

Alistair coughed, surprised by her question. He looked at his hands as he thought about what to say.

"I'm out here so I'm not in the way." He said quietly, remembering Isolde complaining about how he was underfoot.

"What about your parents?" As she said this she watched Alistair stiffen.

"Don't have any."

"What do you mean? Everyone has parents!" She said honestly shocked.

"Well I don't," He said still looking at his hands. "My mother is dead and my father is…..gone."

Elissa sat looking at him in silence, thinking about what she would do if her parents weren't there anymore. The thought made her sad enough that she felt tears welling up. "You don't have any family?" She said quietly. Alistair shook his head no in reply.

That nod made the tears start to fall; she started sniffling, the noise making Alistair look up at her.

"No, don't cry!" he said in a panic. He wasn't sure what you were supposed to do with a crying girl other than just get them to stop. "It's okay I'm used to it really!"

That made her start crying even harder, which put Alistair at even more of a loss. Elissa looked up at him through her tears, and pulled him into a hug.

"It's okay Alistair, I'll be your family!" she said still crying, rubbing her wet face on his tiny shoulder.

Alistair sat there for a bit.

Family.

She said she'd be his family.

He didn't even know what having a family was like.

But this girl was willing to be his. He didn't have anyone willing to be his friend let alone…

He hugged her back as she cried, feeling her shake as she wept for him.

* * *

 

Alistair hadn't exactly expected Elissa's tearful statement about becoming his family to really go anywhere. He was used to people promising him but never going through with whatever it was they had agreed to. This was a lesson hard learned but it was learned none the less.

So when she had left him in the kennels to go sneak back to her room before her mother came looking for her, he curled back up in the hay and tried to clear his mind of any hope.

He eventually got up later to head into the kitchens for his customary bowl of porridge before he headed for the gardeners shack to see if he was needed to work that day. Alistair hadn't remembered having to work before Isolde came, but she quickly convinced Eamon that the young boy needed to earn his keep. So during the day he aided the gardener by pulling weeds, picking up large sticks that may have fallen in the yard, or pruning the bushes. The gardener, Thom, was a older man with hair graying at the temples. The rest was black as pitched and often pulled in a low ponytail . Years of labor had made him large and muscled, which made Alistair wish he would grow up to be as such. He was often teased for being small and thin.

Thom was digging through the shed when Alistair approached, looking over his shoulder he wordlessly pointed at a bed of shrubs running along the side of the castle. Alistair took this to mean he would be pulling weeds, after working with Thom for so long he had come to understand that the man didn't like to speak more than he thought was necessary.

He walked over and proceeded with his task, tearing up plant after plant, making sure to get the roots as well. The problem with such a task was that it left his mind to wander, usually his mind went to what he would be having for dinner that night, if he could maybe go watch the guards train for a bit, or he would imagine scenarios he might play out later with his golem doll he had stashed in the back of the kennels, a gift from Eamon some years ago. But today his thoughts drifted to his new friend.

He didn't really understand why a Teryn's daughter might want to play with someone like him. He wasn't really anything special. He was just Alistair, the idiot, the bastard, and the unwanted nuisance, as Isolde would say.

But she was funny, brave, maybe a bit too talkative, but otherwise well loved. He just didn't understand.

As he worked along pulling weeds he happened to look up. He hand worked his way over to the rose bushes, and there in front of his face was a large blossom.

'maybe I should pay her back for that roll.' he thought.

* * *

 

Elissa trudged behind her brother as the were lead around the town by the Arl, meeting the mayor, the Chantry mother, talking to the shop keepers .

It was awful.

She hated when she had to be the good, proper daughter when they did things like this. She should rather be back at the Castle playing with Alistair. They had never really finished their game of Fereldens vs. Orlesians, and she was eager to see who might beat who. As she was daydreaming she failed to notice her brother had stopped, running into the back of Fergus' legs and promptly falling backwards onto the ground.

Fergus turned around quickly, laughing as he caught sight of his sister glaring up at him ."Sister, you would do well to pay attention to your surroundings." He grinned as he reached down to help her to her feet. Elissa ignored his hand and stood up on her own, dusting off the back of her skirt. Holding her nose in the air she walked past him silently to stand next to their mother.

They had come to a stop in front of another merchant stall, Elissa ignored the talking and peaked up at the table full of wares. Perched in the middle of the table was a stone statuette of a warrior. Elissa turned and tugged on her mother's skirt. "Mother, could I have that?" She said pointing at the statue.

Eleanor looked at the object with a raised eyebrow. "Darling, I think you've brought enough toys along with you."

"But I don't want it for me!" Elissa said purposefully. "I want it for Alistair!" Her mother's eyebrows rose even higher at that.

"Well I suppose there's no harm in getting your friend a gift," She said softy. "That is very considerate of you love."

"Does little Elissa have a crush?" chimed in Fergus as he watched the exchange. "Are we going to have to worry about you running away to get married now?" He grinned down at the red color his sisters face was turning.

"I don't have a crush! that's gross, and I'm never getting married!"

She swiftly kicked him in the shin.

* * *

 

Alistair sat in the kennels, eating a hunk of bread and cheese as he watched the sun begin to dip low in the sky. The day had been a long one and he was covered in dirt and sweat. He sighed to himself as he leaded back chewing quietly. He had been thinking about Elissa on and off for most of his day, almost to the point of annoyance. Though somewhere in the back of his mind he had wished she had been there to keep him company as he toiled through the day.

As he contemplated this the object of his thoughts rounded the corner heading straight for him. She looked oddly shy as she approached him, this was new. She was always so forward he wasn't sure what to expect. She had both of her hands behind her back and her eyes were turned towards the ground.

"Hi." she said quietly to the ground. This was just getting stranger and stranger. So far he had not known her to be quiet in anyway.

"Hello," he said in reply. "Did you have fun with your family?" He watches her grimace at his words and it causes him to smile.

"it was so boring," she complains. "It was nothing but talking and walking about. I would have much rather been here with you."

Something inside Alistair warms with those words.

He watches as Elissa looks around nervously her cheeks turning red. "So," she begins slowly. "would it be strange if I got you a present?" His eyes widen and his brows knit together in confusion.

"A present?"

"yes, I saw it in town and I thought you might like it." she replies quickly. She moves her arms to produce a small stone soldier from behind her back.

Alistair looks at it for a bit before slowly reaching forward to take it from her. It was perfect! He had seen the small statues that they sold in town but had never got up the courage to ask for one.

"I…Thank you, It's great!" he said with honest enthusiasm. It was hard to miss the look of happiness that spread over Elissa's face at the news that he liked her present. He turned it over in his hands looking at it closely smiling wide.

He then stopped and set it down turning to reach for something behind him.

As he turned around his face was flushing with embarrassment. "t-today I saw something that I thought I might give to you too." he said, his voice shaking a bit.

"Its not nearly as nice as what you got me, and I don't know I thought maybe you would like it though." he rambled quickly trying to cover up his nervousness as he turned to face her, a rose clutched in his hand.

* * *

 

Elissa looked down at Alistair's shaking hand that clutched at the rose he had thrust towards her. his face was bright red and he was having a hard time looking her in the face. She silently reached out and plucked it from his hand, she heard him let out a breath that he must have been holding in.

"You picked this for me?" she touched one of the petals carefully, looking up at him.

"Yes," he said shifting from foot to foot still letting his eyes land anywhere but her. "I saw it while i was working and I thought i would give it to you."

Elissa twirled the rose between her fingers. She had been given flowers before, from her father, brother, and occasionally her fathers knights would present her with them at the tournaments her father held.

But this felt different, She had told Alistair she would be his family but he wasn't her father, nor her brother, and he wasn't obligated to get her anything.

she really couldn't understand her feelings in that moment.

so she dealt with it the only way she knew how.

"well, thank you," She started. "But this doesn't mean i'll let you win in any of our games."

She gave him the biggest smile that she could muster. Alistair looked back at her finally giving her a small smile in return.

"Speaking of which we haven't finished that game we started the other day, are you ready to lose to a little girl?" she said with a challenge in her eyes.

Alistair chuckled and shook his head. "I will be if i happens but you'll have to beat me first.'"

Elissa took her rose and set it gently upon a bench before grabbing Alistair's sleeve and tugging him out into the yard.

* * *

 

Later that night, Elissa had her mothers help finding a vase and setting the rose in water on the small desk in her room. She was babbling about the game she had played with Alistair and how he had enjoyed his gift, and how she has laughed when he tripped over a tree root effectively losing the game.

After she had quieted down some Eleanor sat her daughter on the bed and knelled in front of her taking her hands.

"I'm glad you've found this friend here love, and the two of you seem so close in such a short time." She said hesitantly running a hand through her daughters hair.

"Oh, i have mother. He's one of my very best friends!" She said with enthusiasm.

Her mother grimaced and she continued stroking her daughters hair. "Yes, and that's why i am a bit worried dear, because we are going to be leaving soon so we can continue our visits to the other Arl's." Her voice was comforting, preparing herself for her daughters reaction.

"Can't we bring Alistair with us?" she asked with eyes wide.

"No, my dear i'm afraid we can't he will stay here and we will eventually return home."

"but mother," Elissa's voice was slowly rising out of panic. "I told him i would stay with him, he doesn't have anyone else!"

"dear he has the Arl, and the Arlessa her along with all the staff. He is hardly alone. Now it's time for bed love, just enjoy the time you have left."

Elissa glared at her hands but nodded quickly turning away to crawl into her bed. Eleanor tucked her in a told her goodnight before leaving her for the night.

Elissa spent the next day with Alistair, watching as he worked. talking about her home, and her friends their. talking about anything but what the next morning would bring.

That night after her mother had left Elissa slipped out of her bed. Quietly making her way out to the kennels. as she entered she could hear a soft snoring coming from the stack that Alistair frequented. When she got closer she saw Alistair wrapped in a dirty blanket his head nestled into the hay. She got down on her knees and crawled up next to him. She shook his shoulder softly.

"Alistair," She whispered softly. "Alistair, wake up."

Alistair's eyes fluttered open and he automatically brought his hand up to rub them.

"Elissa what are you doing here? its really late you can get in trouble."

Elissa looked down at him frowning. "I needed to tell you something, promise me you wont be angry with me."

Alistair blinked up at the girl, he wasn't sure why she seemed so upset. "I promise."

She frowned even harder her eyebrows furrowing together. "I have to leave tomorrow morning, my family is leaving."

Alistair's face blanked. he had known she would leave, he had known.

but it still hadn't kept him from hoping she wouldn't

as he looked at her he could see tears threatening to fall so he just lifted his blanket and patted the hay next to him. "Do you want to sleep here with me before you have to leave?" he said trying to keep his voice light, to not let her know how hurt he was. She quickly nodded her head and crawled him next to him.

"I meant what i said," She said her voice shaking. "You're my family too and you always will be. I wont go away forever. We will see each other again."

even though he could tell she was trying not to cry Alistair could tell she believed what she was saying to him.

He wrapped the blanket tighter around both of them and murmured.

"I believe you."


	2. The Time Between

“In every friendship hearts grow and entwine themselves together, so that the two hearts seem to make only one heart with only a common thought. That is why separation is so painful; it is not so much two hearts separating, but one being torn asunder.”  
― Fulton J. Sheen

* * *

 

Alistair hid behind a bush as he watched the Couslands clamber into their carriage. Lady Isolde had over looked his friendship with Elissa but it would have been something completely different to have the boy present as they left.

Elissa had spent most of the night with him, the two cuddled up like kittens before the first light of morning had stirred her and she had crept back to her room, not wanting to get either of them in trouble.

he clutched his statue that she had given him to his chest as he saw her stepping up into the carriage. before she entered though she turned around and look right in his direction, as if she knew he was there and smiled her large infectious grin before finally stepping into the dark of the carriage.

He sat there for a while, watching them grow smaller as they rode away. Burning into his mind the time they had spent together. Now she was gone though, it would be back to being alone.

His hand held the statue tighter.

It may be easier to lock those memories way.

Forgetting may not hurt as much.

* * *

 

Elissa sat next to her brother as their carriage bounced along, her rose held between her fingers. She was looking at the petals intently as if staring long enough would bring her more time with the person who had given it to her.

Fergus quickly noticed her intent on the flower and ruffled her hair.

"If you were staring and harder at that thing I would think it would burst into flame."

She huffed at his remark as her parents looked on smiling softly at their children.

"Dear," her mother leaned forward to to daughter. "When we make our next stop I could help you preserve that rose if you would like. I know it is special to you."

Elissa nodded enthusiastically, but remained quiet as her thoughts returned to the boy she had left behind.

She would not forget their time together.

Not one moment.

* * *

 

Alistair's life had been slowly getting worse and worse.

Lady Isolde had been laying more rules upon him. he couldn't be in the castle unless it was the kitchens and even then only at meal time. She insisted he take on more work as a way to keep him out of her sight as much as possible.

It was a lonely life, but at night when he was curled up in the hay he would hold his knight statue, and his mothers amulet would be around his neck, and he didn't feel as alone as he had before.

* * *

 

Elissa was never alone.

Her family, teachers, friends, and the servants in Highever meant she rarely had time by her self.

not that she really minded. That meant she had people around whom she could talk with, show her ever developing skill with her wooden daggers to, or someone she might spin a wild tale to when she was particularly bored.

She never felt lonely.

But at nights she would return to her warm bed and look over at her dresser, where a single rose bud had been expertly encased in glass, and a small hole would creep into her heart.

* * *

 

Alistair had been nothing but good.

well, as good as one would expect from a boy.

He had followed the orders given to him, had tried to be of use.

had tried to be wanted.

but it didn't matter. they were sending him away.

Redcliff might not be much of a home, and the Arl had not been much of a family to him, but both were all he had ever known.

The news had come and he smashed his mothers amulet on the wall in a fit a rage and sadness.

The sadness of being abandoned.

when the Arl came to get him to take him away to the Chantry Alistair slipped a small knight statue into his pack, storing it at the bottom.

* * *

 

Elissa's life was filled with love.

the love of her family, the love of her training.

love that had grown with the addition of a new sister-in-law, shortly after accompanied by a nephew, and last but not least the Mabari she had always begged her parents for.

Summer was rarely anywhere but right next to her, her constant companion.

She had begun to grow into a beautiful young lady, or that's what her mother and father seemed to say to her often. As such along with her weapons training, she had begun the training to be a lady of the court, a woman who would be not only a good wife, but a intelligent one who could very well handle the tasks that dealing with the nobility entailed.

She was still young enough that thoughts of her marrying anyone seemed like a far off future.

For now she was content she thought as she crossed her room and touched her finger tips to the glass rose, and only thought briefly of the boy whose face had started to fade at the edges of her memory.

* * *

 

Alistair must be the best pot scrubber in all of Ferelden.

He had certainly been doing it enough it.

Apparently the reverend mother didn't appreciate the fact that he had fallen sleep during services this morning.

it probably hadn't helped that when he had been awoken he had screamed something about goblins about to swoop down upon them.

It wasn't his fault that dream had been particularly vivid. He didn't have a appreciation for swooping.

the worst part about scrubbing the pots though was that it left ones mind to wander while it kept your hands occupied.

So more often than he would like Alistair's mind would wander to the girl who had been his friend. He had tried to not remember her, but the thought of her smiling face before she left him was easy to find when he searched his mind. It made him feel better when he was especially down.

sometimes when the other boys would be asleep Alistair would pull the statue she had given him and just hold it. It was the only reminder he had of his life before coming her.

It was also his reminder that she was out there somewhere, and that meant that one day her might see her again.

* * *

 

Ser Gilmore had been staring at her.

This wasn't something new for Elissa, boys had stared before, but this time it felt a bit different. She chose to ignore it.

That didn't last very long however, as he had taken up the habit of talking to her when he found the opportunity. Sometimes he would create opportunities but asking her if she would accompany him around the castle gardens.

Usually she would reject the offer but tonight something made her say yes. It could be the way he looked into her eyes so intently, pleading with them for her to say yes.

So she placed her hand in to crook of his elbow and allowed him to lead her through the gardens she knew so well.

He seemed especially nervous tonight though she couldn't really understand why, he kept blushing when he would look at her for too long or would stumble over his words when he didn't mean to.

She would allow herself a small giggle before helping him along in the conversation.  
then when they had reached the back corner of the garden he had stopped both of them to turn a face her.

She hadn't really been expecting anything of the evening but was not ready for the stuttered words that tumbled from his mouth as he told her how lovely he found her and that he knew how low he was beneath her station but that his feelings for her would not subside.

Before she could really form a coherent thought to what he was saying to her she felt his hand slide up to cup her face and the warmth of his breath mixing with hers before his lips met her own.

The kiss was soft and warm, not entirely unpleasant, but everything Elissa had read in the romance books her mother said she shouldn't be reading said the first kiss was supposed to be magical, amazing. Something that could make you see the face of the maker.  
though this kiss did warm her insides it just wasn't what she had expected.  
it also ended quickly as Ser Gilmore pulled away blushing furiously and apologizing quickly taking his leave of her.

She touched her finger tips to her lips as she walked herself back to her room contemplating the nights events.

As she entered her room she looked over at her dresser, her eyes landing on the glass rose now covered in a fine layer of dust, and in a small place in her heart the feeling of guilt wormed its way in.

That night she dreams she is back in the gardens, but this time instead of Ser Gilmore it is a handsome blond boy in his place, and his kisses are magical.

* * *

 

Alistair looks at himself in the mirror and thinks about the changes he sees.  
He is no longer the scrawny young boy, perpetually covered in mud and hay.

Now he is a man, broad-shouldered from his templar training, no more the softness of childhood but the sharp lines of muscle and adulthood.

there is a tournament being held for the grey wardens and he leapt at the chance to enter, to maybe get a glance at the fabled heroes of old.

He turns back to his bunk to rummage through his bag for a cleaner linen shirt to wear under his armor, when his hand comes up with a broken stone statue.

he holds it in his hand tenderly, running his callused thumb over a crack as he remembers the night years ago.

He had thought all the boys had been asleep that night as he pulled out his treasure, but he had been wrong. one of the older boys had seen him and had leapt up quickly to snatch it from his hands before Alistair could stash it out of sight.

Then the mocking had come, how he was too old to play with toys, and now only babes still had such things. Alistair had protested reaching for the item trying to keep himself calm when the other boy had simply opened his hand and allowed it to fall to the floor.

Alistair watched heart-broken as the statue had cracked in half. The others had laughed before turning and leaving him to pick up the pieces.

A sound from behind him brought Alistair out of his thoughts as one of his bunk mates came in to tell him it was almost time. Alistair nodded his head at him before putting his old gift away, quickly thinking of the girl who had given it to him before beginning to put it armor on.

* * *

 

There had been rumors of darkspawn in the south.

everyone was talking about it, whispers could be heard through the castle, Elissa listening intently to everyone she heard.

Her father had taken to inspecting his troops first hand, making sure they were ready if they were summoned by the king to help defend the country.

Orana and her mother were steadily getting more and more nervous about their husbands going off to fight these monsters if what was being said was true.

Elissa on the other had could not think of anything more exciting. She had been itching to prove her skill with weapons on a battlefield, to show she was more than just a noble woman, but also a fierce rouge.

Her brother would chuckle when she told him how she wished the battle would come, how she would slay as many darkspawn they could throw at her.

He told her to not be so excited, that what she was wishing for could just happen, and it might not turn out exactly the way she might like.

She scoffed and hit him in the shoulder playfully.

She turned to walk away saying that she already knew that.

She was no fool.

* * *

 

Alistair finally found home.

Joining the grey wardens had been a blessing from the Maker.

He was accepted for who he was here, his odd humor appreciated, his taste for cheeses tolerated, and his days were not spent feeling alone in a crowded space.  
He finally felt like he belonged.

This particular morning he was up early to see his mentor, Duncan, off. Duncan was leaving to search out more recruits before the battle they all knew was coming.

Before he left Duncan reminded Alistair of the plans on where the grey wardens would be stopping, and where to pick up some supplies along the road before they were to meet up with the kings army and continue to Ostagar. He told Alistair that he would meet the rest of them there with whatever recruits he could acquire, then they would perform the joining.

Alistair nodded his understanding and said good bye to the man who had saved him, had given him hope for this new life of his.

Alistair smiled and went to eat breakfast with his new family.

* * *

 

She was a fool.

She had wanted to be battle tested, and now she supposed she was.

And all it had cost was her home.

her family.

everything.

Just ashes now.

They were dead.

dead. dead. dead. dead.

the word rolled about in her head as her feet moved her forward automatically.

She was still caked in the blood of Howe's men, and even more fresh, the blood of her father was everywhere. the smell was in her nose, her mouth, cooper and salt.

Her eyes had long dried from her silent tears that had carved tracks through the grime on her face. Summer nudged at a hand that hung limply at her side, whining softly. She ran her hand over his head, giving him the most comfort she was able to muster.

She didn't notice Duncan speaking to her until he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder, she flinched at the contact. Her skin was so cold that his hand felt like it was made of fire.

He told her that they were far enough away that it should be safe to camp for the rest of the night. She nodded, completely numb to the notion and started to help him build a fire.

Once the fire was roaring he asked her what gear she had on her so they would know what to pick her up when they could find a merchant.

She didn't have much, when Howe's men attacked she had enough time to grab her well worn leathers and two daggers. When she had found her mother she had suggested grabbing any health potions they she might have. She always kept a few in her room to use after training, when her muscles were especially sore.

She had gone back and filled a small pouch on her belt with the potions, but before she left she set her eyes on the glass rose that was always on her dresser. She looked at it for a long moment before grabbing it and securing it in her bag.

So as she sat by the fire with Duncan she pulled out the flower and looked at it.  
She held it close to her chest, and bowed her head as more tears began to fall.

* * *

 

Alistair hated talking to mages, especially when he had been sent by the revered mother to talk to them!

She must know it was just going to rile them up.

But Alistair did his duty and was on his way to give said mage the message.

Ostagar was buzzing with people darting about, preparing.  
He had been avoiding the royal tent as well as he could, it was awkward enough knowing Cailan knew he was here he certainly wasn't longing for a sudden brotherly run in as well.

As he was walking towards where this mage was supposed to be he heard a couple soldiers talking to each other about the scouting party that had just left. A scouting party lead by Fergus Cousland.

Alistair stopped mid stride as his mind was instantly transported back to his childhood, and a small pale girl with wide green eyes and a mess of dark hair.

As soon as the thought came he brushed it aside. Just because her brother was here didn't mean that she was. No point in getting his hopes up.  
Besides he doubted that she would remember him at all after so many years.

His thoughts returned to the task at hand and the message he had received early in the morning saying that Duncan should be returning that day with his new recruit in tow.

Alistair wondered briefly what this recruit would be like, hoping that they could get along together as he walked up the ramp that lead to a very grumpy looking mage.  
Alistair sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

He hoped the day would get better soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bioware owns everything dragon age!


	3. Arrival

“Oak, granite,  
Lilies by the road,  
Remember me?  
I remember you.  
Clouds brushing  
Clover hills,  
Remember me?  
Sister, child,  
Grown tall,  
Remember me?  
I remember you.”   
― Gail Carson Levine,  _Ella Enchanted_

 

* * *

 

Elissa couldn't feel anything.

If she could she would have felt the aching in her feet, the way her knees creaked with every step she took forward.

However, she was still lost in the grief that made it feel as if a hole had been torn out of her.

She had spent the last few days with Duncan hiking through forest off the main roads, in case Howe's men were following them.

They made one stop in a small town to get some supplies from a local merchant. She wrapped her new cloak around her more tightly as she and Duncan approached the ruins, the hood drawn up to cover her face.

Summer nudged into her side. She looked down at her dog and gave him a weak smile and patted him on his head. He whined up at her and leaned into her hand.

Duncan turned to look at her as they drew closer to Ostagar. "The King and Teyrn Loghain should be in the camp," He said to her. "We should be able to seek their aid with your family. We could also attempt to look for your brother before the joining."

She nodded her head in understanding, looking up at the gates looming over head.

Ahead of them there was a large armored party, and leading them as they neared was King Cailan.

Elissa pursed her lips together as they approached, She had only been around the king a handful of times. Though he was always friendly she generally found his company straining, but she needed his help. Her personal feelings had to be set aside.

Duncan looked rather surprised as the king came closer. "Your Majesty, I wasn't expecting such a large welcoming party."

"Come now Duncan," Cailan said in his usual exuberance. "Did you really think I wouldn't be out here to meet you when you arrived?"

Duncan looked to his side at Elissa before responding. "Well it's true that you being here does help us a bit," He gestured to Elissa standing next to him. "Majesty this is my new recruit."

Elissa lowered her hood and bowed her head to Cailan. "I believe introductions aren't necessary Duncan." Elissa said as she directed her gaze to the king, who seemed a bit surprised.

"Elissa Cousland! I had not expected to see you here." Cailan flashed one of his famous smiles her way. "Your brother had been waiting for your father, I don't believe he knew you were coming, are your fathers forces following you?" He said looking over her shoulder.

Elissa tensed as thoughts of her father bloodied and gasping on the larder floor entered her mind against her will.

"My..my father.." Elissa struggled to get out the words.

Duncan set his hand on her shoulder, giving her a sympathetic look.

"Teyrn Cousland was attacked by Arl Howe's men. To my knowledge we were the only ones to escaped the castle."

Elissa felt a great gratitude to Duncan for saying what she couldn't in that moment.

Cailan's eyebrows furrowed together as Duncan spoke. "Fergus must be told right away, and i swear to you Elissa I will help you in anyway i can to see your family receives justice."

Elissa felt her chest tighten. No matter what she had thought of the king before, this more than made up for any bad feelings she had for him.

"Thank you, I agree I must really speak with my brother as soon as I can."

"It will have to wait for a bit I fear," Cailan said apologetically. " Your brother was sent out to head a scouting party into the wilds."

" He could be in danger! I have to warn him!" Elissa felt herself going frantic with worry over the last of her family.

"My lady i am sorry, you will be informed as soon as he arrives." Elissa clenched her teeth and nodded. She glared at the ground as Duncan and the king continued to talk of the upcoming battle, not listening as she is lost in her own thoughts.

Duncan's voice eventually brings her around as the kings guards follow Cailan as he strides away purposefully.

"Lady Cousland, i believe we should proceed with the joining as soon as possible, I need you to find your fellow recruits for me."

Elissa looked up at Duncan raising a eyebrow at him.

"There are two men by the name of Daveth and Ser Jory," Duncan ran his hand through his beard. "The junior member of our order could probably help you find them, and he needs to be present from the joining as well. I would seek him out first."

"Where would I find this grey warden?" Elissa asked, itching to get on with whatever task she needed to accomplish.

"Just ask the soldier on the other side of the bridge, they should know where he has run off to." Duncan gestured towards the expanse of the bridge. "in the mean time, I will take your hound for a well deserved meal at the kennels."

Summer let out a soft bark and sidled up to Duncan affectionately at the sound of food. Elissa snorted quietly and made her way across the bridge.

* * *

The camp was certainly noisy. Elissa's nose and ears were overwhelmed with the smells and sounds coming from every direction.

Soldiers running this way and that, food being cooked not too far off, and the strange smell of lyrium coming from the mages section.  
Elissa tried to shut out as much of it as she could. After speaking with the soldier at the bridge she had been directed to a raised platform beyond the mages area. She had her mission and she was going to concentrate on it. As long as she had something to focus her mind on she could keep going, keep living.

She pulled her cloak even tighter. it was still early fall but for the last few days Elissa just couldn't feel warm. She just felt the cold that seemed to start in her bones, and left her shivering at night.

As she started to walk up a ramp she absently thought about if she ought to have asked what this grey warden looked like, or even what his name was. She didn't have much to go on other than a location.

was there a way a grey warden was supposed to look? It may just come down to a guessing game.  
She heard the soft sound of distant voices from the top of yet another ramp. Maker, would it have killed them to keep things on one level?

at the top of the ramp Elissa stopped to see two men. She could really only see one of them as the other was facing away from her.

The man facing her was dressed in what looked like mages robes and had a very cross expression on his face as he snapped at the man he was speaking with.  
"Haven't the grey wardens asked enough of the circle?"

Well that just made her job of guessing which one was the grey warden a bit easier.  
Elissa tuned out the conversation as she looked at the back of her would be comrade.  
it was a broad back, made even broader with the splint male he wore. definitely a warrior she thought absently. With what looked like a full head of dark blond hair.  
Elissa started to think about how tall he was when what must have been the grey wardens voice broke through her reverie.  
"-The grumpy one!" Elissa cocked her eyebrow now regretting not listening in.

The mage scoffed something then turned to leave, knocking into her shoulder as he passed.  
"Out of my way fool!" He spat at her. Before Elissa could find a very convenient place for her fist in the region of his face the mage had walked off.  
As she glared at his back she heard a voice behind her.

"One thing about the blight is how it brings people together."

Elissa gave a ghost of a chuckle and turned to face the man. "It certainly seems that way."

As she turned she caught the first look at his face.

He had a strong jaw that was dusted with light blond stubble. A easy smile was being directed at her, and his warm brown eyes were lit up in amusement.  
Something in the back of her mind began to itch.

"Umm, by any chance would you be the junior grey warden?"

The man's eyes widened a bit before running a hand through his hair.

"Yes, that's me." He said with humor in his voice. "The adorable rookie. Unless you were sent here to yell at me for something. Then I am probably not that adorable."  
Elissa looked at him intently. There was something about this man, she just wasn't sure what it was.

"No," She began slowly. "Duncan sent me here to come fetch you. I'm the new recruit."

He quickly gave her a once over at those words, as if really looking at her for the first time.

"Ah, of course you are. Nothing like making a fool of my self in front of the newbie." He said flashing her a grin.

Elissa kept looking at him as though this feeling in the back of her mind might finally make sense to her. What was going on with her? this was just a man she had never met before, maker she didn't even know his name.

'That's right,' she thought. 'I should probably learn his name.'

"Umm, is it alright if I ask your name? Duncan didn't tell me it." She fiddled with her fingers as she asked.

"That doesn't seem too nice of Duncan, sending you to search for me without even a name." the man said laughing again.

"The name is Alistair, at your service my lady." he said giving her a slight bow.

Elissa's heart thudded in her chest.

Alistair.

She had known a Alistair, once.

A small boy, just bone and a layer of mud.

A shy boy who had sad eyes.

Who had given her the rose that was safely tucked away in a pouch at her hip.

"Are you alright miss?" Alistair said coming closer. "You suddenly got rather pale."  
Elissa looked up at him and realized that her hands had started to shake.

"I-I.....y-your name is Alistair?" She said stuttering.  
He furrowed his brow at her. "Yes, it is. Is that a problem?"

"N-no! it's just.." She bit her lower lip, hoping she wouldn't embarrass herself. "Have you ever been to Redcliff?"  
Alistair looked even more confused. "Yes, I lived there while I was a young boy."

Elissa's heart felt like it would burst from her chest any second. "Did you live in the castle?" Her voice was becoming insistent with emotion. She had to know if this was her boy in the kennels.

Alistair took a step back narrowing his eyes at her. "How did you know that...did Duncan tell you that?"

She shook her head no, wondering if she had made a mistake bring this up. "No he didn't tell me," she tried to keep her voice from shaking. "I visited Redcliff when i was a child, with...with my family."

Alistair looked at her, his eyebrow shooting up as his mouth opened. before he could say anything Elissa continued.

"I met a boy there, a boy who slept in the kennels, who loved cheese, and who put up with me dragging him everywhere." Elissa couldn't look him in the face anymore choosing to look at the dirt. Her face was heated from the blush that had covered it. "He was a young boy who gave me this." She reached into her pouch and pulled out the glass rose blossom.

She held in in her palms, holding it was the most valuable thing in the world.  
She kept her eyes on it as a long moment passed with both of the silent.

As the silence drew on Elissa felt foolish, this wasn't her Alistair, this was just some random man who now probably thought she was crazy. Alistair wasn't that uncommon of a name.

  
tears started to collect and she was willing them not to fall and make the situation worse.

  
She was so busy concentrating on not crying that she didn't notice Alistair stepping closer until his large warm hands wrapped around her own holding the rose. She looked up quickly as a single tear rolled down her face. Alistair was leaning down to look at her face, his brows drawn together and his eyes filled with a emotion Elissa couldn't quite place.  
He moved one of his hands away to reach up and cup the side of her face, his thumb running along her cheek.

  
"Elissa?"


	4. Reunion

“Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.”  
― Mae West

* * *

 

Alistair felt like such an idiot, he should have realized who she was sooner.

She had been a ghost, drifting through his thoughts for years. Her face had been a small source of comfort when he had felt lonely, lost, and unwanted. Then again, those thoughts had been of a small girl, one with a quick smile and the gift of worming her way into people's hearts. A girl with long dark hair, bits of straw tangled through it. But when this Elissa had turned to look at him, he saw only a tired, travel worn, if not beautiful, woman.

His automatic reaction to beautiful women was nervousness. Women, were a complete mystery to him. He really didn't know how to handle them in general. Unless they were the reverend mother shaking her finger at him and scolding him for something he had done to anger her.

 

As soon as she started asking him where he was from his heart had started to beat erratically. His hands began to shake as he thought to himself.  
'Am I dreaming…? Maker..? Is it really her..?'

It wasn't her. She wasn't here.

Then she pulled out a rose bud encased in glass, and he knew. He let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding and moved closer to her. He desperately needed to see her face, She gently held the rose, clasped in her hands, while her head was bent over it. He needed to see her eyes. To look into them. To see if by some miracle the little girl he remembered as a boy had grown into this poised woman standing in front of him.

 

He cupped her cheek, lifting it to see a single tear trail down her face.  
“Elissa..?” Her name fell from his lips as he ran a thumb across her cheek, “is it really you?”  
At that moment something inside him, he didn't realize was missing clicked into place. A warmth spread through him, like an old wound, suddenly began to heal.

* * *

 

Elissa lost control of herself at that point. Everything she had been holding inside her poured out.  
She had lost everything, she didn't even know if her brother still lived, but here was something she had never thought of getting back. Someone she thought to never see again. Tears came more quickly and she reached out to cling to the front of Alistair's armor, as if to anchor herself to him.

"Alistair... A-Alistair.." She said through choking sobs.

"Elissa," He said, reaching up to stroke her hair. "It's alright, calm yourself. You're safe."

At that Elissa's sobbing grew and she pulled herself even closer to rest her head against the hands that clung to the front of his chest plate. She started to feel her legs wobble as her emotions began to overwhelm her. She felt Alistair wrap an arm around her waist to secure her to him, his other hand still running through her hair as he crooned words of comfort. The heavy feeling in her chest from everything she had been holding so tightly to eased away. As she clung to him, she began to feel a bit of the hole in her heart, close just a small amount.

* * *

 

Alistair had absolutely no idea what he was doing. He had not thought to see Elissa again and her reaction to him was certainly not what he had been expecting. His mind was wracking itself to try to figure out how to comfort this woman who was now in hysterics before him. The decision was made for him when he had reached up to touch her hair in comfort and suddenly had her pressing herself into him. He started to tell her that it was okay, anything to make her tears stop.

He felt so lost on what to do when he felt her start to shake. Fear began to set in that she may very well fall, so he wound his free arm around her to keep that from happening. If the person he was holding weren't in such distress, he might have considered how good it felt to have her so near, but as it was his mind was too preoccupied with calming Elissa.

After a while he felt Elissa's shaking slow and her sobs turned into quiet sniffles. He pulled away slightly as she lifted her head, rubbing the remaining tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry about that, I thought I had a better handle on myself." She was slightly pink from her harsh sobs earlier, eyes puffy from the crying, and there was a lone tear dangling off the end of her nose.

Alistair lifted a hand to gently wipe the tear away, offering her a reassuring smile. "It's quite alright, I'm used to women bursting into tears when they look upon my face."

Elissa chuckled weakly and looked back up at him. "I can't believe it's really you, that you're here. You're even a Grey Warden!" she said disbelief coloring her voice.

Alistair ran a hand through his hair. "Yes, I suppose it does seem like a long way from the kennels at Redcliff isn't it?"

Elissa’s eyes roamed over his face as she said, "Yes, it is. I almost didn't even recognize you without all the dirt and hay."

Alistair couldn't help the laugh that came from him at that. "Well, I can't quite wrap my head around the fact that you're here either. It seems like a dream, you know, except for the darkspawn and approaching battle."

Elissa shrugged her shoulders and grinned up at him. "Not quite the dream I'm used to but I understand what you mean."

Alistair sighed, then furrowed his brow. "You said Duncan sent you to find me?"

Her eyebrows shot up as if the clouds had just cleared from her thoughts. "Oh, yes, we are supposed to find the other recruits and report back to Duncan. We should probably get moving."

Alistair started walking down the ramp and called to her over his shoulder. "Then let us find the other two and get this underway. The darkspawn are waiting!"

As Alistair heard Elissa followed him down the ramp, his thoughts started racing through his mind. She was going to have to go through the joining. What would he do if she didn't survive? He had just found her and the thought of losing her again...He shouldn't think that way…No, no she would be fine. Maker willing he wasn't going to lose anyone he cared about anytime soon.

* * *

 

After gathering Daveth, Elissa and Alistair searched the camp for Ser Jory. They finally found him with a few other soldiers praying at a statue of Andraste.

As soon as he saw her Ser Jory bowed down to one knee in front of her.

"My lady Cousland, I had not thought to see you here. I was in Red Cliff but I come from Highever. It is an honor to meet you like this."

Elissa nodded her head thanking him for his kind words. being used to dealing with such things. Falling back on her upbringing to answer him with a dignified voice, even though his words caused a pang in her heart, reminding her of her old life.

"But sir I am here as a Grey Warden recruit which makes me just like you. That makes us equals now. Please, just call me Elissa."

“Yes my la… Yes of course… E-Elissa.” Replied Ser Jory with stumbling speech.

He stood and followed them to the fire where Duncan was waiting to give them their assignment. As they neared Summer he, rose to his feet to bound over to Elissa stopping to nuzzling into her waiting hand.

"Seems like you finally got that Mabari you talked about."

Alistair came up behind her, startling her, she hadn't realized how close he was. He moved remarkably quietly for someone in such heavy armor.

"Yes," she said, scratching behind Summer's ears. "Summer here is like my little shadow... well, I say little..." Summer looked up whining at her tilting his massive head to the side. "Sorry boy, you'll always be my... pup..."

Elissa's heart thudded in her chest, her eyes started burning as she choked back unshed tears while speaking those last few words. at the word that tumbled from her mouth so easily. She closed her eyes as the memories overwhelmed her.

_Her father, on the larder floor covered in blood. Her mother cradling him a look of finality in her eyes as she watched her only daughter being dragged away by Duncan. Elissa screaming-_

Elissa’s body shuddered and she shook her head trying to shake off the memories. She looked back at Alistair who was gazing at her with concern etched on his face.

"Are you alright?" His voice was full of apprehension and unanswered questions.

"Yes, I'm fine,” Elissa took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, “ no point in keeping Duncan waiting anymore. Let’s go."

* * *

 

Curse these wilds.

The Kocari Swamp seemed like a better name. There was mud everywhere, Elissa's boots were coated in grime. They kept getting sucked into the muck, ending in her legs burning from the effort of pulling them out. They had finally gotten to firmer ground when they heard the sound of howls coming from not far away.

Wolves. Perfect.

Alistair and Jory both prepared their swords as Daveth pulled an arrow from his quiver. Elissa pulled her daggers from their sheaths on her back and twirled them between her fingers. She could feel the anticipation as she heard the beasts skittering closer.

After a moment one burst from a row of bushes to their right, leaping towards Elissa. Alistair quickly stepped in front of her lifting his shield to halt the animal midair, knocking it back, grunting with the weight if the impact on his shield. As the wolf hit the ground two more came running up from different directions. One on the left and one behind. They were being flanked.

Jory hurried forward to swing at the one that Alistair had been knocked to the ground. While Alistair moved to stay in front of Elissa. Daveth was shot arrow after arrow at the wolf that had come up behind them keeping it from charging at them.

Alistair held his shield up, sword at the ready, waiting for the third wolf to make its move toward them, not letting Elissa out from behind him. Which Elissa found more than annoying. She needed this fight, as a way to get out some of these frustrations that were wound inside her.

Elissa side stepped around Alistair and rolled along the ground to pop up to the left of the wolf, it began to snap at her as she pulled out a flask from her hip. She quickly looked to her side back at Alistair who had started to move towards them both after he saw her jump forward.

"Stay back!" She yelled at him, stopping him in his tracks. She wasn't some helpless damsel who needed saving.

She faced the wolf who was resting back on its haunches. She tossed the vial at it as she jumped back rolling towards Alistair. A small explosion of acid mist burst under the animal where the vial had fallen. The wolf twisted back and forth letting out howls of pain. Elissa hit Alistair's shoulder with her fist to get his attention.

"Wait for the cloud to clear, then finish it off."

Her eyes scanned the battlefield before she turned and ran to help Daveth who was being stalked by a wolf of his own. With a flick of her wrist Elissa sent one of her daggers from her hand twirling through the air where it landed between the wolf's eyes, it dropped to the ground immediately.  
She then turned to Jory, who was holding up his sword as the wolf lunged at him snapping its jaws at him. But she noticed that one of its legs was wounded from an earlier attack.

Elissa ran to get behind a wolf while it was preoccupied with Jory. She jumped on on its back straddling the beast. Before it could turn and close its jaws on her arm Elissa had buried her remaining dagger in its throat. Blood coated her arm with a warm spray. She withdrew her dagger and jumped back.  
Once Alistair had taken down his wolf with a great stroke of his sword the three men turned to look at Elissa huffing from the battle.

"What?" She said, giving a wide smile.

Walking over to the wolf near Daveth, she reached down to pull her dagger out of its skull.

"Didn’t you all have fun?" She turned back to them pulling out a cloth, cleaning the blood off both daggers.

"Fun... right.." Daveth put his bow back onto his back. "Not the kind of fun I'm used to with such a lovely lady."

Elissa stood as she was cleaning her daggers, she looked at the three men standing dumbfounded in front of her.

"Well then you've been hanging around with the wrong kind of ladies."

* * *

Alistair couldn't lie, he knew Duncan didn't recruit weak warriors. But he didn't expect Elissa to be so...proficient. It wasn't as if the idea of women fighters bothers him, in fact, he found strong women rather appealing. Some part of him still saw the young tomboy wielding a stick. Not the fierce woman he had seen dancing about the fight, daggers gleaming with blood. Confidence seemed to ooze out of her, the kind of confidence that made people natural leaders. A small part of him envied her for that. A very, very small part.

They trekked further into the wilds and (the wind shifted and a sickly odor drifted around them) started to smell something getting closer. It was foul, and sadly a smell Alistair knew well. It was the smell of dead darkspawn. He couldn't sense very many too close, but still he put a hand on his sword readying himself for any eventuality.

As they drew closer to the source of the smell, a sound broke through the background noises of the forest.

"H-help.." a wet coughing followed the weak cry. "Is...is anyone out there?"

They picked up their pace and quickly came to find a wounded man lying on the ground, looking as if he were trying to crawl in their direction. Alistair walked forward to get a better look at the man's wounds. Noticing just a few darkspawn corpses lying not far off.

"Who are you, soldier? Are there any others left?" Alistair asked gently.

He pulled his water skin from his side lifting it to the man's lips. The man took a couple small drinks before coughing again. Clearing his throat before he could speak.

"We..we were scouting the wilds when the 'spawn attacked, they just popped out of the ground! They killed so many of the men... must have thought I was dead too."

Alistair started to reach for the bandages in his pack when he felt someone else kneel down beside him. It was Elissa with bandages already in hand, a hard look on her face.

"I'm sorry, we must turn you over to tend to your wounds properly." She gently turned him so he was on his back with his head in her lap. The man winced and gasped a few times in pain, but didn't fuss as they tended to him. After a bit Elissa spoke in what sounded to Alistair like a controlled voice, holding back some emotion he couldn't place.

"Who was leading your party soldier?"

The man looked up at her without seeing her."Fergus Cousland miss, but I lost track of him in the fight... there were just so many..."

Elissa laid a hand on his head shushing him."It's alright soldier, you're safe now."

The look in Elissa's eyes, though, was a thousand miles away, somewhere Alistair didn't think he could reach. It frightened him to see the empty look that settled on her face.

* * *

 

As they walked through the Wilds Elissa was silent. Wordlessly walking behind Alistair her eyes forward. Alistair didn't know what to say to her, her brother might be lost, killed by the darkspawn. Alistair might not have known her brother, but he knew how close the Couslands had seemed from the short time he had watched them all together. They were what he had always thought a family should be. Kind, and open. Possibly losing her brother must be killing her.

She still cut through the darkspawn they encountered like they were nothing but she was cold through the whole thing. She had lost the fire he had seen in the fight with the wolves.He slowed to a stop near a couple of fallen trees.

"I think we could use a bit of a rest before we make the last push to the tower," He said as he rested his pack on the ground and sat on a log. "So sit and get some water."

Jory and Daveth nodded their agreement as they both went off in different directions. One to go to the stream to fill his water skin, the other to take care of some personal business behind a tree.

He watched as Elissa sat down on the ground, her back leaning against the log. She looked at her hands, strands of her hair were escaping her braid and falling forward to conceal part of her face. She looked so lost Alistair thought. He should say something he reasoned. Anything really.

"I'm sure he's safe somewhere Elissa." He watched her fingers twitch as he spoke. "Who knows, he might have found some chasind for all we know and could be laying low with them till he can get back to camp." The theory wasn't impossible but Alistair knew how unlikely it was.

"No, he's not." She said it so quietly Alistair hadn't been sure she spoke at first. "He's dead." Her voice was empty, detached in a way the made Alistair's blood run cold. "He's dead like they all are. They get to be together again, leaving me here alone. What have done to have the Maker despise me so? I'm not sure what but there's no other explanation..."

Alistair was confused. “Who else was dead? What was she talking about?” Trying to understand Alistair began to ask, "Elissa, what-“

"What other reason would there be to kill my entire family? Making me watch as my the whole house was slaughtered by our friends... like they were nothing..."

Alistair was sick to his stomach as her words sunk in. as he watched her start to shake. With her next words Ellissa began shaking, weather in rage or grief Alistair couldn’t tell. "Even Oren... killing him like some animal. He wasn't an animal, he was just a child!" Her voice had started to shake too, her breath started to come in gasps. Alistair saw drops of tears fall down the side of her cheek. He lowered himself off the log and pulled her to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, as if he could keep her together. Trying to shelter her from the memories that were clouding her mind.

"Elissa, I'm sorry. The Maker doesn't hate you. How could he hate you?" He drew her closer, resting his chin on her head. "What you're speaking of was done by evil men, men who will pay. It was not your fault."

Her shaking had not stopped. "But now I'm alone.” She whispered in a frightened little voice. “ My family is gone."

"No, it isn't." Alistair said quietly. “You can start a new family here with the Grey Wardens.”

Alistair pulled her head back to look at her face. He saw tears were streaming down her face.  
"I'm your family remember?" He said running a hand along the side of her face, repeating the words she had said to him so long ago. "You'll never be alone as long as I'm here."

Her bottom lip trembled. "Please," her voice came softly. "Please don't leave me."

Looking down at her he smiled at her and promised. "Wouldn't dream of it."

"Whoa," Came a voice nearby. "Should I have stayed away longer?" Daveth came sauntering into the clearing, a smirk on his face.

The pair quickly moved apart, Elissa turned to wipe her tears away, her face heating up. Alistair got up to grab his pack as Jory came walking back.

"Let's just get a move on to this tower shall we?" He was more than a bit sure his face was a lovely shade of pink at this point.

As they started walking forward, he felt a fist knock into his shoulder. Elissa walked next to him looking anywhere except him, a small smile on her face.

"Thank you."

Alistair grinned at her. "No thanks needed my fair lady. I do take presents in the form of cheese though."

A scoff came from her as a more genuine smile crept across her face.  
"I'll have to keep that in mind."


	5. Changes

“Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”   
― Margaret Mitchell

* * *

 

Elissa watched Duncan approach with the joining cup in his hands, Jory's blood still spattered across his chest. Her legs shook with fear at the prospect of it all ending right here, the life Duncan had saved he might be about to take. She looked to Daveth's body laying at her feet, before looking over to Alistair. His face was scrunched into a look of concern, which didn't make her feel very comforted. Everything could come to a end now, who would avenge her family?

Who would mourn her when she was gone?

Even in the face of death though, Elissa Cousland was no coward.

With hands trembling she reached forward to grasp the chalice and brought it to her lips.

A foul coppery taste flooded her mouth, coating the inside completely. The thick liquid sluggishly made its way down her throat, she was having a hard time not retching it up. That's when the burning sensation began. A feeling of a dull fire began in her abdomen and quickly felt as through a white hot flame was coursing through her veins. It became difficult to focus on anything.

Before she lost consciousness completely a vision of a large dragon filled her mind, and it seemed to Elissa that it was laughing at her before everything went dark.

* * *

Alistair rushed forward as soon as Elissa began to sway backward, catching her in his arms looking to Duncan frantically. "Is she okay? She can't-"

Duncan raised a hand to silence Alistair's panic. He reached forward and touched the side of her neck looking for a pulse. Duncan looked Alistair in the eyes, nodded his head, and stood back up. Alistair let out the breath he had been holding in, relief rushing through him. He cradled her to him as his heartbeat slowed.

He had been panicking inside as he watched her wait her turn to drink. The fact that Daveth and Jory had died had made him worry more. It took everything in him not to knock that chalice out of her hand before it reached her lips. But this was the duty that could not be forsworn, and her fate had been decided before she had come back to him. His fists were clenched hard enough to hurt, as he prayed in his mind to the maker that she would be spared.

Now though, all his silent prayers had been answered as she started to groan in his arms, bring up a hand to rub at her eyes. Her eyes opened slowly, looking around unfocused before they came to rest on Alistair's face. He watched her blink a few times before she let out a low chuckle, reaching up a hand to pat the side of his face. "Hey now," Her voice came out thick and a little hoarse, a side effect of drinking the foul blood. "There's no need to look so upset. I know you were hoping i would be out of your hair, but you'll just have to deal with me for a little longer."

Alistair let out a ghost of a laugh before he loosened his hold on her to help her stand up. "I suppose I will, but you are equally as stuck with me." He said clapping a hand on her shoulder with a smile, trying to hide how shaken he was by the whole experience. He didn't even know if he had been as nervous at his own joining. She looked up at him smiling faintly while she ran a hand through her hair. Duncan, who had stayed off to the side through the exchange, walked up to them coughing quietly to get their attention. "I hope you are feeling well, I know how traumatic the joining can be. Especially one where not many survive." Alistair watched Duncan give Elissa a soft look, watching for something that Alistair couldn't understand.

Elissa turned to look at Daveth and Jory's bodies. She let out a quiet sigh before lowering her head and closing her eyes. " Ashes we were, ashes we become. Maker give these men a place at your side." She muttered quietly to herself before turning back to face Duncan. Alistair was a bit surprised, but still moved at even this small gesture to these two men who she had barely known a day.

Elissa shuffled her feet, kicking at the dirt as if had offended her, before looking Duncan in the face with a blank face. "I am fine, but what are we to do now?"

Duncan gave a quick look to Alistair before going onto describe the meeting with the king and how Cailan had asked for Elissa to attend. Alistair didn't really want to leave her, but he was relieved to not have to deal with this strategy meeting. Even if Cailan weren't there, he knew he had no mind for tactics.

As he watched Duncan and Elissa walked away Alistair let loud a long low breath. He could really use a drink, or five, impending battle be damned. It had been a tumultuous day, and he could really use a stress reliever.

casting one last look towards Elissa's retreating form, Alistair walked down the ramp leading towards the quartermaster.

Maybe he had some cheese for sale.

* * *

Elissa left that meeting feeling a strange mix of relief and frustration.

On one hand she wanted to fight, that was what she had been brought here to do. On the other hand the chances of her staying alive longer, to begin her plan of revenge on Howe, was more likely while being safe in the tower.

She walked silently behind Duncan, staring at the ground as she moved. Thoughts tumbled through her mind, blocking out the buzz of the soldiers scrambling to prepare themselves for the coming attack.

Even though her thoughts were flying every which way Elissa felt rather calm in the face of what could happen. Maybe someone could only face potential death so many times in one day before they just grew numb to it.

Elissa was so lost in her own mind that she almost ran into Duncan's back after he came to a stop in front of the fire they had all gathered around what seemed like ages ago now.

Duncan turned to face her, looking past her over her shoulder. Elissa looked to see Alistair quickly approaching them.

"You called for me Duncan?" He said coming to a stop next to Elissa.

Had Duncan sent a messenger for Alistair? When did that happen? 'Maker,' she thought. 'My in ability to pay attention will get the better of me one day.'  
She stood attentive as Duncan proceeded with the plan for the battle, and their role in it. Alistair was not taking it well.

"Duncan, I need to be in that battle, you can't just ask me to play the squire, waiting for it all to be done." He was obviously trying to keep his cool, pleading with Duncan to let him join the fighting. "Elissa is perfectly capable enough to light the beacon on her own."

Elissa agreed but at the same time didn't like the thought of Duncan and Alistair alone on the field as she was locked up in the tower.

"I'm sorry Alistair, but these orders come from the king himself and i am inclined to agree with him," He said in his calm fatherly tone. "I trust the both of you to do this, it's a pivotal part of our strategy."

Elissa watched Alistair grimace at the mention of the king, then furrow his brows before snorting. "Of course his majesty ordered this." He looked sideways at her, meeting her eyes with a guarded look before looking back to Duncan. "Fine, I will do this, but once it is done I am joining you on the field."

"The both of us will." Elissa added, resting a hand on Alistair's shoulder. Duncan looked at the pair before sighing quietly. "That will be fine, only once your task is done though."

Alistair looked more pleased as Elissa felt him relax a bit. "Okay, well we will head over the bridge now, Maker watch over you Duncan, we will see you after the battle. Then I think a few pints are in order."

Duncan gave Alistair a small smile before nodding his head at both of them. "I think that sounds like a excellent idea." As Duncan turned to walk away he looked over his shoulder calling out to them. "Maker watch over you both." He then continued walking towards the kings tent.

Elissa looked up to Alistair, giving a playful thump on his shoulder. "Come on you, that beacon isn't going to light itself." Alistair gave her a crooked grin before following her to the bridge.

* * *

  
All she could remember was chaos.

arrows flying through the dark.

Summer lunging at the ogre.

Watching the soldiers that aided them fall.

Alistair, an arrow protruding from him as he fell to the ground.

Her scream as she watched him fall, her heart stopping as he did.

The thunk of the arrow hitting her shoulder, knocking her to her knees.

Thinking the end had finally come for her.

Closing her eyes,

and welcoming the dark.

* * *

Alistair awoke to the smell of smoke, and medicinal herbs. He tried to sit up but was met with a intense pain from his side. He moved a hand to his side, and was met with bandages. He looked up taking in his surroundings. He was one what was obviously a make shift bed of blankets on the floor of a wooden ramshackle hut. a fire was roaring in the hearth, and a bookcase separated half the room. He gingerly got up, looking around for his armor and weapons. He needed to be careful, he was obviously injured and didn't know where he was.

Where were the others? Duncan, the other wardens, Elissa?

He was thankfully wearing his soft cloth trousers that he wore under his leggings. Thanking the Maker he wouldn't have to creep through the hut naked, he started to move forward when a voice made him jump.

"Where do you believe you're going?"  
He turned quickly, mentally preparing himself for a fist fight if need be, when his eyes came to rest on a female figure sneering at him. He recognized that sneer, from the wilds. Morrigan.

Of course he would wake up in Morrigan's home. That's just what he wanted.

Still he kept his defenses up as he began to speak to her. "Why am I here, Where are the others?"

Morrigan quirked a brow at him, which seemed to make him even more irritated. "Others?"

"Yes, the other wardens. Where are they? What happened at the battle?" Once he got the information out of her he could gather his things and make his way to find them. Figure out why he was out here with this witch.

Morrigan opened her mouth to reply when her mother came around from behind her. "Let me handle this, girl." She said dismissively to Morrigan before turning her attention to Alistair.

"I am sorry, but they did not make it."

Alistair's mind blanked. They didn't make it? "What? why are you lying to me?"

"I am not lying child, Your man, Loghain, quit the field. Leaving your wardens and the king to die. I only managed to pull you from the tower just in time."

What she was saying didn't make any sense. How could this happen? Loghain was a hero, Cailan's father-in-law. Duncan, and the other wardens were dead. The only people who had treated him as family were gone. He was alone.  
He felt himself start to shake with the shear weight of this realization when he noticed Morrigan's mother was still talking.

"I see you're injuries are healing well though, they weren't as severe as your friends but they still required a great healing ability to take care of-"

"My friend?" Alistair cut her off. "Who are you talking about?" Hadn't she just got done saying the wardens had died with Cailan?

"The girl who was with you in the tower, as i said i just managed to pull you from the tower."

Alistair suddenly realized what she was saying. Elissa. She was alive.

"Where is she?" He said desperately, he needed to cling to this information.

"She is in the bed over there." She gestured to the side of the room obstructed by the bookcase. That was all he needed to stride quickly around the corner to see her, looking much more frail and small than he had ever seen her. he rushed over to the bed, Morrigan and her mother forgotten. He sank down on the edge of the bed, reaching out a hand to softly run the back of his hand from her temple down her bruised cheek. Her breaths came slow and quietly.

She was alive, she was safe.

He wasn't alone.

As he watched her sleeping form he noticed his vision begin to blur. He reached up, rubbed at his face, he pulled his hand back. It came back wet with tears.

Alistair felt lost, but this was something he could anchor himself to.

 


	6. Waking Up

"Give them pleasure - the same pleasure they have when they wake up from a nightmare."

Alfred Hitchcock

 

* * *

 

The darkness was oppressing. Pressing in on her from all sides, muffling all sound and feeling. Elissa tried to move her limbs but they felt fixed in place. The thought that she should be panicking crossed her mind then flitted away. She couldn't remember a time she had felt so calm, relaxed. Nothing seemed to really matter anymore, her families murder, the battle at Ostagar, nothing at all. She felt like she could stay like this forever, she had been through so much. She just wanted it to stop.

As she floated there, taking in the silence, she heard a soft voice calling her name. At first she ignored it. Who would want to force her away from this blissful nothingness?

Still the voice persisted. Becoming louder and louder. A small light started to shine in the dark, pulling Elissa against her will towards it. As the light grew the voice stop saying her name instead it ominously said.

"It's not quite time yet. I still need you alive."

She heard these words but they faded away as soon as she heard them, quickly leaving her mind as soon as they had entered.

* * *

Alistair looked out over the swamp like forest that surrounded the hut. After he had sat with Elissa that morning he needed to be alone with his thoughts. She was still unconscious but Morrigan's mother seemed to think she would pull through just fine. His wounds had been healing, thanks to the witches magic.

Even with the knowledge that Elissa would be fine he was still feeling lost and empty.

He had finally found a place where he was accepted and it was forcibly taken away from him.

He knew how Elissa must be feeling right now, with the loss of her family. This feeling was quickly being replaced by a deep, burning anger.

Anger at Loghain, at the man who allowed all of those men to die in such a horrible way. The thought just summoned more hatred into his heart. Loghain had to answer for this, Alistair would make sure that he would.

Years of trying to keep himself together had taught Alistair one thing, hiding his real emotions through humor, or deflection. He wouldn't let this anger go but he would keep it inside, until he was ready to unleash it. Tamping down these feelings had been difficult however, the last few days had been filled with long stints of silence and being alone.

He had been more or less left to sit by Elissa's bedside until he would be shooed away by Morrigan or her mother, or he would wander about the woods within sight of the hut. His wounds were still a little tender and he wasn't eager to come face to face with anything that might be lurking further in the woods.

The fact that Elissa had yet to awaken was a source of concern, even if the witches seemed positive she would be fine, Alistair still had his doubts.

What would he do if she didn't come around? There was a blight and he was essentially the last warden in Ferelden. Unless he was somehow able to contact the Orleasian wardens. That could take months if not longer with just him attempting to reach them. The longer he took the more lives that could be lost to the darkspawn.

Alistair gave a exasperated sigh bring his hands up to cover his face as he took a deep breath. He had never been good at taking control of these situations, he was a much better follower than he was a leader.

Could he do this alone?

He released the breath he had just taken and lowered his hands to stare out into the wilderness again, looking for his answer.

That was when he heard a voice interrupt his thoughts.

"I doubt the wilds are going to talk back to you warden, and even if they did I doubt their advice would be helpful." Morrigan's mother had come to stand behind him without his notice.

Alistair grimaced at her words, how had she known what he was thinking?

"I wasn't really expecting to find my answers her, more hoping my thoughts would shuffle into place for me," He snorted. "Though that doesn't appear to be happening."

"You are worried about your fellow warden, that much is obvious. Though I wonder if it is the worry for a wounded comrade, or if it means something more." The witch said with a slight smirk.

Alistair glared at her, annoyed by her words. "She is my sister warden, and after having lost everyone else in the order I need her."

He needed her to give him some direction.

someone to go through this with him.

He turned away from the witches searching eyes, casting his own to the dirt under his feet.

He didn't want to be alone.

The door behind him opened. Morrigan he assumed, Maker help him, he didn't think he could stand another tense silence while the two of them refused to talk to one another.

"Ah, see." came the elder woman's voice. "Here is your fellow warden, just fine as I said she would be."

Alistair turned quickly, his eyes landing on Elissa who still had a hand on the open door. She still look as small and fragile as she had laying in the bed. Clad in leather leggings, a cloth tunic, and her long dark tresses spilling over her shoulders. She gave him a tentative smile before bring up a hand, and giving him a small wave.

"Looks like I'm still alive, even though the Maker seems to have it out for me lately." She let out a humorless laugh.

She had barley finished speaking when Alistair had made it over to her, pulling her into a fierce hug. With one arm wrapped around her waist he brought his other hand up to tangle into her hair, cradling her head against his chest. He rested his chin on top of her head.

"You're alive, sweet Andraste, you are alight." His heart was sputtering in his chest, singing the relief he felt. She was okay.

He wouldn't be alone.

He heard a muffled sound come from under his chin and he pulled away slightly.

"Yes I am alight, as long as you don't suffocate me." She said no malice in her voice. She leaned her head back to look him in the face. She had a half smile on her face as she brought a hand up to pat his cheek. "I'm here, it's alright."

So many feelings were warring inside of him. happiness, grief, relief, and fear. all he could do was pull her a bit closer, and lean his head down to rest on her shoulder as he waited for his emotions to settle. He felt her reach around him and rest her arms on his back. Nestling her face into his neck. They held each other, offering the other comfort until Alistair heard a familiar voice cough from behind Elissa.

"Yes, tis nice that she is well, shouldn't the pair of you be off to stop the blight now?" Morrigan's apathetic voice rang out, causing the two of them to pull apart.

Alistair cleared his throat, trying to reassemble his thoughts before having to deal with this woman. Luckily Elissa was now awake, and she jumped into handle the situation.

"Yes, you are right," She said seeming more calm than Alistair felt. "but right now we need a plan more than anything. We can't just run out to face this without some notion of what we need to do."

"That is a good point young lady" Morrigan's mother came forward. "It would be foolish to charge ahead in such a manner, it's good to see your injuries didn't affect your logic."

Elissa nodded towards the woman. "Yes, thank you by the way for taking care of the both of us...might I know your name?"

The elderly woman had a smile that sent a shiver down Alistair's spine. "Oh, I have had many names, but you, you may call me Flemeth."

"Flemeth?  _The_  Flemeth?" Alistair couldn't stop himself from asking. "Of legend?"

"Do I look like a legendary with to you boy?" She said with a smirk.

"Well, no, but a old woman in a hut would certainly be a good cover." He remarked falling behind his easy humor to hide his suspicions.

"That it would. But this still does not answer the question of what the both of you will do." She turned back to Elissa.

"Well..." She started. "We need a way to contact the other wardens, and a way to get a force to hold back the darkspawn here while we wait for them to get here."

"Arl Eamon wasn't at Ostagar. He should still have a good amount of soldiers." Alistair interjected. "We have the other treaties too!" he thanked the maker that Duncan had given them to him to keep them safe.

"That's great news!" Elissa said with a enthusiasm that stirred something in Alistair. "We could build a proper force to stop the blight by the time the other wardens arrive."

They could do this, They could stop the blight.

together.

* * *

"I'm glad that I at least have someone of intelligence to talk to, sadly the other end of our company is lacking."

Alistair kept his anger chained down.

Well, maybe it wouldn't be just the two of them.

Morrigan had taken a place at Elissa's side and the two had been chatting back and forth. Elissa asking about life in the wilds, and Morrigan inquiring about Elissa's martial training. Morrigan seemed to find every opportunity to dig into Alistair though, mocking him at every turn.

Now they were stuck with her, Maker give him strength.

Elissa's hound had stayed by his side, giving him sympathetic looks as they walked. The two of them had formed a sort of friendship while Elissa had been unconscious. He would eat his dinner and give a portion of it to summer, enjoying his silent company. Now he seemed to be the only company Alistair was likely to have as they trekked to Lothering.

Sadly one could only have so many one sided conversations without feeling crazy, so he was left to mull over the events with Duncan and the other wardens. He couldn't shake the thought that things would have been different if he had been there. If he had just been able to somehow save Duncan then things would be better. Duncan would be much more useful than Alistair could ever be.

As he walked along he looked up from the path in front of hid feet, only to meet with Elissa looking over her shoulder at him. He gave her a half smile which she returned before turning back to face forward.

This made Alistair feel a bit lighter on his feet, if not completely better.

* * *

Elissa hadn't minded talking with Morrigan, it was interesting hearing small snippets of the witches adventures in the wilds. Her main reason for this though was that she really didn't know what to say to Alistair. She probably knew what he was going through better than most people, essentially losing his family. Yet she couldn't really find the words to bring him any comfort. Not that this was a situation where comfort was easily found.

So she was being a coward and avoiding him while she wracked her brain for some way to make him feel better. She hated tip toeing around such things but she couldn't bring herself to do anything but look over at him occasionally to make sure he wasn't breaking down behind her.

Then again Alistair seemed strong, strong enough to carry himself through this. Elissa sighed frustrated, just because he was strong didn't mean he wanted to shoulder this alone.

These thought continued to play in a loop until they neared Lothering.

"Thank the Maker." Elissa breathed. "Maybe now we can find some proper supplies for the road."

"I wouldn't my hopes up just yet." Morrigan drawled nest to her, gesturing towards several tents that were erected just outside the city. "If I'm not mistaken those are refugees, and undoubtedly they will have bought many of the goods in town."

Elissa groaned covering her face with her hands. "We just need to find a couple tents, flint, and maybe some vegetables and dried meat until we can find somewhere to properly hunt." Elissa had come to stop with Morrigan, which allowed Alistair and Summer to catch up to the pair. "Not that i haven't slept without a tent before, but I would really prefer not to." She said, stressed and tired from the days walking.

"Don't be so sure we wont find anything until we try, Elissa." Alistair put his hand on her head, playfully ruffling her hair. Elissa shot him a glare with no venom before brushing his hand off.

"True enough. Let's at least stop by the tavern and get something to drink. I am parched." She said thumping Alistair's shoulder before striding forward.

Maybe things would look better once they got to town.

* * *

"A toll?" Elissa said shocked. "Most of the people heading this way are fleeing the Blight and you're charging them money to get to safety?"

"It's just business friend. They should be happy to pay to know they are safe from the darkspawn." The highwayman said sounding utterly confident in himself.

That is when Alistair watched Elissa lose her temper completely.

It had been frightening to watch, she had been completely calm as she reached for her knife, bringing it to his throat in a blur of motion.

"And I would be happy to let you live as long as you leave your ill gotten gains here, leave, and never come back here." Summer punctuated her words with a low growl.

The previously confident man was now sweating and shaking slightly. Yet he still had the brilliant idea to call on Elissa's threat. "You wouldn't harm me for just trying to make the best out of this situation would you?" He said obviously trying to keep his voice from shaking. Elissa's face was completely blank and she pressed the knife against his neck hard enough for a small trickle of blood to start making its way down towards his collar.

"I don't know, do you want to take that chance?" She said in a almost pleasant tone that made Alistair promise himself that he would never try to anger this woman.

Those words were all it took to make the men turn and run north up the road, not looking back.

Elissa wordlessly reached into her pack at her hip, pulled out a rag and cleaned off her small knife before stowing it away.

"I can't stand trash like that. Taking advantage of people who had no choice." She muttered angrily.

"A odd opinion for one so high born." Morrigan commented lifting a dark brow.

"It wasn't so odd a notion in my household." Elissa said a cold tone entering her voice.

Time for Alistair to step in with his special brand of distraction. "Ah, would you look at that?" He stepped in between the two woman gesturing towards the village in front of them. "Lothering, pretty as a painting."

"Ah, your other pet speaks does it?" Morrigan scoffed to Elissa.

"Leave Alistair alone Morrigan." Elissa said evenly, the previous tension dissipating. "He's had a hard enough time as it is."

Morrigan snorted and rolled her eyes before walking forward towards Lothering.

Alistair felt a hand on his shoulder and looked down at Elissa who was looking at him with a searching expression. "Are you alright Alistair? We didn't have much time to talk before we were headed here with Morrigan."

She was worried about him. He chastised himself mentally, of course she was. He reached a hand up and covered the hand sitting on his shoulder. "I'm not alright, but I will get there. Thank you for asking though." He watched her give him a sad smile before she replied.

"Okay, but just remember that I'll be here when you want to talk more about it."

He let out a low breath. "Know that offer goes both ways Elissa, we are in this together, for everything." His voice was quiet and thick with emotion as he looked her in the eye.

She looked down, avoiding his eyes, but he moved her hand from hers to reach under her chin and tilt her face up. "I mean it. I am here for you, and I can be serious sometimes. If that's what you want anyway, though you would be missing out on all my amazing witty one liners that way." He said trying to bring another smile out.

He was rewarded with a full on laugh and a flush to her cheeks. He would take it.

"Come on Alistair," She said reaching down to grab his hand and drag him forward. "Lets go before Morrigan comes and reams us for taking so long."

He chuckled and followed her, glad that she had been the one who was here with him.


	7. Chapter 7

"A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world."

Leo Buscaglia

* * *

 

Her first thought was that he looked just like Oren. This little boy standing by the bridge looking for his mother, who was probably not coming for him. The second thought was of how she might help him. The young boy looked like he was fighting tears as he told her about how his mother was taking so long to come to Lothering.

Elissa knelt down in front of him reaching forward to lay her hand on his small shoulder. "You were very brave, coming here all by yourself like that," She gave him a comforting smile. "I will go look for your mother as long as you promise me you will go wait in the Chantry."

She knew in the back of her mind that the sisters would probably be leaving soon and Maker willing wouldn't leave this boy behind. The boy smiled and thanked her, telling her she was a nice lady. Elissa kept her smile fixed on her face as she thanked him in return for the compliment, a twinge of sadness running through her as she watched him run off towards the Chantry.

"Are we going to go rescue some kittens from trees now?" Morrigan sneered, arms crossed over her chest. Elissa clenched her teeth, keeping herself from killing the apostate was becoming more difficult. Mercifully Alistair stepped in between the two again, He wasn't very subtle about it but Elissa appreciated the gesture anyway.

"Look, the tavern is just on the other side of the bridge! You were saying we were in need of supplies weren't you, oh amazing leader?" Alistair gestured to the rustic looking building just ahead of them, giving her a small bow to punctuate his statement. Elissa snorted, feeling her frustration with Morrigan ease a bit. It wasn't completely gone, but Alistair's intervention did its trick.

"True, and we could probably look for any signs of that boys mother, give him some closure at least." Summer gave a soft bark of approval next to her. Elissa reached down to scratch behind his ear, he turned and licked her hand in thanks.

"Well, come along then. We don't have all day to stand about." Morrigan trudged ahead not bothering to see if her companions followed. Elissa grimaced at her back before sighing and turning to face Alistair.

"The cranky lady is right, lets go enjoy the company of some, sightly drunk, desperate locals shall we?" Elissa gave him a grin before following after Morrigan. She heard him grunt in agreement, followed by the shuffle and clink of his splint mail boots.

"Maker knows we could use some more simple problems to deal with right?" He commented as they drew closer to the tavern.

* * *

The day was coming to a close, and Alistair was amazed at how long this particular day had felt.

The trip to the local tavern had ended in a brawl with some of Loghain's men and the addition of a Orleasian lay sister who may or may not be delusional. Then they went to go look for that small boys mother, which ended the way they had all expected. They found her body laying on a hill not too far from the village. She had obviously been struggling to get herself there before she succumbed to her wounds. Elissa gingerly looked over her body, finding a soft scarf tucked into a pack at the woman's hip. Elissa held it reverently muttering softly as she smoothed out the fabric.

"Let's give this to her boy and inform the sisters in the Chantry so they can come and take care of her body." Leliana rested a hand on Elissa's shoulder. Elissa sighed while stuffing the scarf in her pack. Alistair watched as she stood, turned around and muttered. "That boy deserved better than this." Her dog followed, close on her heels as she marched off to gather some elfroot they had past while searching for the ill fated woman.

As they were walking back to the Chantry Elissa stopped in front of a rusty cage that held Alistair could only assume was some kind of giant.

"Go on human, I have nothing for you now leave me in peace." The creature rumbled out in his deep voice, even before Elissa had a chance to say anything to him. This wasn't normally something that would persuade Alistair to continue to talk to someone, but Elissa didn't seem bothered by it and went on to question the creature, who they quickly found out was a qunari named Sten, about why he was standing in the cage. Sten was reluctant to give her any answers but for some reason Elissa seemed determined to try and get him to agree to come with them.

As they walked away Alistair fell into step next to Elissa. "Do you think getting him to come with us is a good idea?" He whispered leaning closer to her. "I mean I don't like the idea of leaving him in there, not with the Darkspawn getting closer. Still Leliana said he was in there for killing a family...I'm just not sure we should trust the large killer man to watch us while we sleep."

Elissa looked at him without breaking stride. "I know Alistair, but the fact is that we don't have many people with us. We are also not likely to get much help on the road if we have a price on our heads. So I am not about to throw away a opportunity to get more aid." She sounded so sure in her decision that Alistair couldn't help but feel a little envious. Leading and making these sorts of choices just seemed to come naturally to her. Alistair smiled slightly, not that she hadn't been in charge of everything they did together when they were younger.

"What's with the grin?" Elissa questioned looking up at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Oh, nothing." Alistair said raising his hands in mock surrender. "Just thinking about this little girl I used to know who dragged me everywhere with her and wouldn't stop talking. You know, the kind of girl who would always make me be the Orleasian's when we played Fereldan's verses Orleasian's." Alistair smirked down at her. She snorted looking away from him.

"I don't know who you are talking about. I was a perfectly behaved, graceful, sweet young child." She said waving a hand at him in dismissal.

Alistair let out a deep, from the gut laugh. "Of...of course you were...What ever you say." He managed to get out in between boughts of laughter. She gave him a icy glare as he reached over to ruffle her hair. She reached up to swat away his hand. "Hey, I just barley managed to keep my hair from being a frizzy mess this morning so keep your hands off please." She said chuckling to herself.

"Yes please, such displays may just make me lose what little breakfast I had." Came Morrigan's voice drifting from behind them. This cause the two of them to pull apart, trying rather hard not to look at the other. Alistair could have sworn however that he had seen a blush cover Elissa's cheeks.

* * *

Alistair wandered through the doors of the Chantry, letting out a heavy sigh as he went. They had met a knight from Red Cliff who had informed them that Eamon was deathly ill. This didn't bode well for the army they were trying to assemble. Let alone the fact that one of the few father figures Alistair had was on the verge of death. Alistair ran a hand through his hair in frustration, trying to banish thoughts of Duncan from his mind. He didn't want to lose someone else close to him. Even if Eamon did send him off to the Chantry.

Elissa and Leliana were inside talking to the reverend mother about freeing Sten, he didn't have much to add to the conversation so he had excused himself while they discussed the qunari situation.

Alistair tilted his head back to look at the wide expanse of sky above him. Maker, it seemed like a impossible task set out before them. Could they really stop the blight? Just the two of them, and a ramshackle group of strangers? The seriousness of the situation was settling on him, on top of the guilt he still felt over the death of the other grey wardens. The fact that this was completely insane became more and more apparent. Alistair lowered his head in defeat, gritting his teeth in anger at himself for feeling this way.

He raised his head to look out across the Chantry's yard, when his eyes settled on a grey, dead bush along the stone wall surrounding the Chantry. Nestled between the dried, ugly, twisting thorns, lay a single rose bud. He didn't know what compelled him to do so but he found himself walking across the yard to get a closer look at the flower. The rose was a beautiful deep scarlet and had large, fat petals. Staring at this blossom made something inside Alistair feel lighter, like maybe even though their situation was horrible, that they would find a way to overcome it. That there was beauty even in a place that was surround by despair.

Before he could even think about it he reached out a hand and plucked it from the dried bush. As he held it up to his nose he heard a voice call out to him.

"Alistair," Elissa's voice cut through his thoughts. "Come one. We got the key to Sten's cage. Lets get him and head out. There's still enough light that we could get pretty far before nightfall!" Alistair hid the blossom, gently stashing it in his pack. When he stood at turned Elissa was standing at the top of the stairs in front of the Chantry doors. The sunlight illuminated her pale skin, lending a extra flash of flame to her determined eyes. The slight of her looking so in charge and focused made his heart thud in his chest.

'Yes,' he thought. 'We will do this. With her here, we can.'

* * *

So now they were setting up camp in a clearing they and found off the road. Alistair had just finished setting up his tent when he looked over to find Elissa struggling to get her tent up. Alistair smiled at the scene before walking over to lend her a hand.

"Having issues are we?" He reached a hand out to brace the pole she was having problems keeping straight.

"There wasn't much call for setting up my own tent whenever we traveled." Elissa said, annoyance creeping into her tone. "So i'm sorry this skill isn't in my wheel house."

"Oh, it's alright, that's what I'm here for right? To take orders and take care of the grunt work." He grinned up at her trying to make her feel better.

"Then does that mean you get to carry my pack around for me? I mean a lady like me shouldn't have to carry something so heavy." She brought a hand up to fan herself.

"It wouldn't be so heavy if you didn't insist on picking up everything you find." He said looking away to hammer a stake into the ground.

"Hey some of that could be valuable to us later." She huffed at his back.

"Oh, i'm sorry. I didn't realize some pants with holes in them were a hidden treasure." He chuckled turning to finish his work. "There you are. One tent ready for use." He pretended to wipe his brow before reaching over to pat Elissa on the shoulder. "If you need my services again just ask."

"I'll probably have to call on your skills again soon." Her smile up at him made his pulse beat a bit faster, though he couldn't really say why.

"Well, I have quite a few talents that you can take advantage of." He didn't really think about what he was saying until the words were out of his mouth. Once he realized what he said he wished for some kind of magic to turn back time. He watched as her face turned red and she looked away from his face.

'Great,' he thought. ' now she thinks I'm some lecher. Fantastic.'

Before he could think of something to save the situation Elissa cleared her throat.

"Well, I think I need some sleep now...so just wake me when it's my turn for watch." She said moving to pull back the flap on her tent. Alistair groaned internally, kicking himself for making things awkward. He was just about to leave to go wallow when Elissa interrupted his thoughts.

"And Alistair..." She was facing the inside of her tent, but Alistair could see the blush still on her cheeks. "Maybe we could talk about your other talents later." With that she disappeared inside her tent.

Alistair's mind was empty for awhile after that. Mainly because he knew that if he really thought about what she had said he would never be able to get to sleep that night.


	8. Routines Forming

That night Elissa had dreams.

Nightmares.

This didn't trouble her much because she had been plagued by nightmares ever since that night of fire and death that took her family from her.

These dreams though were different. She stood on a grassy hill overlooking a barren field, all the plants dead and rotting. The sickly smell made her feel sick to her stomach. As she raised her hand to cover her mouth a arm shot out grabbing onto her wrist.

"No, you have to see what you allowed to happen." Elissa turned towards the voice only to find Alistair looking down at her. But this wasn't Alistair. The cold look in his eye and the sneer that spread across his face was anything but the sweet man she knew.

"Let me go Alistair," She tried to wrench her arm from his grasp but he was too strong. "I had nothing to do with this." Her free arm gestured towards the empty area.

"Didn't you though?" He pulled her closer, close enough that she could feel his breath on her cheek. "You let everything die because you couldn't protect it." Fear started to run thought Elissa's system as she pulled harder, but his grip didn't loosen.

"You promise a lot Elissa." The not Alistair's voice was little more than a whisper as he glared down at her. "You promise save Ferelden, you promise to avenge your family..." He grabbed her face in his large hand, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "You promise to be my family, yet you forgot about me until you saw me again. A convenient familiar face to use to make yourself feel less alone." Elissa felt tears running down her face as his words snaked through her ears to settle in the pit of her stomach.

"Poor little Elissa," He turned her head to whisper in her ear. "bringing doom to those she loves because she can't keep her promises."

Elissa's eyes shot open and she sat up looking around frantically. A cold sweat covered her face and her heart was thumping loudly in her chest. She was greeted with the smell of smoke and the crackling of a fire coming from outside of her tent. The flames were casting oddly shaped shadows across the canvas, which wasn't making her feel anymore safe. It also meant that it was still dark enough that such shadows were being cast.

Elissa sighed tying up her long hair into a messy bun. She wasn't going to be getting back to sleep anytime soon, she might as well warm herself by the fire. Crawling out of her tent she was greeted with a familiar voice.

"Bad dreams?" Elissa looked up quickly only to have her eyes land on Alistair. Not exactly the person she had wanted to see right then. He was sitting near the fire in a well worn linen shirt and dark cloth pants. In his hands he propped up his shield, it looked as if he had been in the process of polishing it until she had emerged from her tent.

He watched her waiting for a reply, yet Elissa wasn't sure what she should say to him. 'Oh, just a dream where you were tormenting me with my failing, you know, fun things.' She thought, allowing herself a small snort at the thought. This only caused Alistair to raise a eyebrow at her.

"How could you tell?" She finally settled on the safe phrase, walking over to sit across the fire from him. It had been a dream, yet she still felt his hands gripping her arm too tight, his hot breath on her cheek. At that thought she cast her eyes to the fire, watching the flames work through the wood.

"Wardens usually have nightmares, especially right after the joining." Out of the corner of her eye Elissa saw his hands return to their earlier task of polishing his shield. "I was told that eventually you can learn to block them out. Well, until they come back in full force anyway. By then though it's time for the end." His voice had taken a dark tone causing Elissa to look up to see his face.

The orange of the fire made his tanned skin seem almost golden, the shadows making the sharp lines of his face more defined. She hadn't really taken the time to observe how her friend had changed in the years they had been apart, it was hard to find anything of the shy boy she had know in this easy going, muscular man.

"Wait," She said interrupting her own musings about her companion. "Time for the end?" The question hung in the air for a moment while Alistair's face twisted into one of pure discomfort. "I suppose you weren't a Grey Warden long enough for us to hash out all of the ugly details with you." his voice had dropped to a low grumble as he glared down at his shield.

"You see, the taint.." He began gingerly. "It aids us in sensing the darkspawn, and keeping us safe from the blight. The effects are only...temporary though." He looked up from his shield to gauge her reaction to his words. "It's essentially a death sentence, thirty years at best, then most wardens to make it that far head down into the deep roads to fight darkspawn till they are killed. One last glorious fight as it were." Alistair's voice was devoid of any emotion, telling her of her fate like he was telling her about a rock that he had found stuck in his boot.

Elissa had brought her arms up to wrap them around herself, his words not processing in her mind. "So...this was just another secret to be kept from those looking to join the Grey Wardens?" She heard herself say, hearing the slight tinge of anger in her voice. "Just one more thing to hide, the Grey Wardens love their secrets don't they."

Alistair stayed silent as Elissa took what he said, she could feel her frustration at the situation mounting. "I couldn't just have a break could I?" she growled at him. "I fought my way out of my own home, marched my way here, almost died at that battle, and now I'm doomed to a lonely death in the dark surrounded by monsters." Her hands were fisted against her arms, knuckles digging into her skin, she stared into the fire looking for answers in the flames. A clatter of metal and the shuffling of feet told her that Alistair had moved. She felt him sit down next to her, and flinched when she felt a warm hand cover her closed fist.

"Life hasn't been the easiest, that's true, but that doesn't mean we can't make things better." Elissa looked up into his warm brown eyes. "I can't say what we have ahead of us isn't going to be hard, because it's not, but you aren't alone in this. I am here, Leliana, Sten...Morrigan." Elissa felt herself chuckle at the grimace that passed over Alistair's face as he said the witches name. "You are a strong woman, Elissa, but we are here to help shoulder the burden."

The jumble of knots that had worked their way through her body slowly started to unravel as he spoke.

"And yes, you will probably end up in the deep roads as many before you have, but you don't have to be alone there either." his voice had dropped to a rumbling whisper as he leaned in to move his hand so he could wrap a arm around her shoulder, pulling her against his shoulder. "I promise you that I will try to stay alive as long as possible, atleast long enough that you wont have to go to Orzamar alone." Elissa rested her cheek against his shoulder and took a deep breath, allowing the last of her worries to leave her in a long exhale.

"Thank you Alistair, I'm sorry for all the breakdowns I've had since we've met again. I must be ruining any memories you had of me as a child." She felt Alistair's shoulders shake as he laughed quietly.

"Oh I think you hold up to my memories pretty well, the way you boss me around is the same anyway." Elissa smiled and playfully swatted at his leg, but didn't move from his warm embrace.

"Would it be okay if we stayed like this for a bit?" She felt her eyes close as she leaned into him further, the smell of him drifting up into her nose. Wood smoke, leather, a hint of soap, and a musk that must be pure Alistair. "I don't feel particularly tired and you are more comfortable than my bedroll on the hard ground."

She felt Alistair move so his cheek rested against the top of her head. "Your desire is my command, my lady."

* * *

The whinny and nicker of horses awoke Elissa from a dreamless sleep, her eyes opened and she found herself staring at the roof of her tent. Why was she in her tent? A horse snorted outside her tent. They didn't have horses.

Elissa rolled over to grasp her dagger before moving out of her tent, ready to defend herself, only to be greeted by Leliana's smiling face as she petted a large draft horse that was attached to a cart. The red headed woman must have seen Elissa moved out of her tent because she waved a hand in her direction. "Oh, Elissa, I had hoped to give you a little longer to sleep. Alistair said you had not slept well last night." Registering the fact that there was no danger, Elissa unbunched her tense muscles and walked over to the woman. "I'm fine, but more importantly, who do we have here?" She gestured towards the large horse leaning into Leliana's hand.

"I believe I can answer that miss." A somewhat familiar voice came from the side of the cart.

Elissa turned to spy a dwarf, resting his hand against the side of the cart. Elissa recognized this dwarf, she had rescued him and his son from a small amount of darkspawn on the kings highway leaving Lothering. "Yes," She said. "Bodahn, wasn't it?" The dwarf, Bodahn, nodded at her enthusiastically. "That is right my good woman, I tracked you here with my boy," His son came round from the back of the wagon, looking at Sten who stood off a few yards away. "I thought that following you grey wardens around might be a tad more safe than just wandering the roads ourselves, isn't that right my boy?" Bodahn turned turned to his son who smiled at him and said. "Enchantment!"

"Quite right my boy, one of the many services we can provide you if you allow us to follow your company, also I have space in the back of my wagon to store your bedrolls and what not while you travel." Elissa mulled over his offer, but it didn't seem like a bad idea to her.

"Alright Bodahn, you have yourself a deal." She said offering him a hand to shake. The dwarf took her hand in his large one and shook it firmly. "Fantastic, Sandal and I will help you load your things up when you're ready." With that he turned, put a arm around Sandal and walked to the back of the cart.

"They seem rather nice don't they?" Leliana said over Elissa's shoulder.

"Yes they do, and it will be wonderful to not haul that tent around with me." Elissa said running a hand through her messy hair. "Well I should probably go get ready to move. Where are Alistair and Morrigan?" She looked around and didn't see either of them nearby.

"Alistair said something about shaving in the stream nearby, and Morrigan mumbled something about scouting our route ahead of us before wandering on up the road."

"Of course she did." Elissa murmmered. "Well, I'll be ready as soon as I can, do we have any bread I can eat while we walk?"

Leliana rolled her eyes at Elissa, waving a hand at her. "I'm sure we have time for you to eat a decent breakfast. We have to wait for Alistair to come back anyway, so go get changed and I will find something for you." Leliana marched off to find some food as Elissa retreated into her tent to try and wrangle her thick hair into a bun.

* * *

Alistair wiped his freshly shaven face with a damp rag, freezing cold from having been in the frigid stream, but he had no problem making do. Though trying to shave ones face while balancing a large shard of mirror on a rock had been interesting to say the least.

As he finished he gathered up his razor and soap, before making his way back through the trees to camp. As he arrived he watched Elissa exit her tent, dressed in her leathers, her dark hair pulled back in a tight bun. It gave him a unobstructed view of her face, which made his thoughts turn to the night before, and the feel of her curled up against him in front of the fire. She seemed to feel so safe with him, he was glad she felt that way, but he wasn't sure exactly what she thought of him. Was he still the boy she knew in Redcliff, or did she see him as he was now? The Grey Warden, the grown man.

Regardless he had enjoyed her tucked against him, though he worried about her looking up and seeing that his face was the color of a ripe tomato. His fears were unfounded thought, as she had quickly fallen asleep against him, snoring softly, snuggling further against him for warmth. He had looked at her sleeping face for a long moment, loving how relaxed she looked, none of the frowns or the wrinkle that she would get between her eyebrows when she was thinking particularly hard about something. Just the blissful face of dreamless sleep. He had been tempted to stay there longer, but he was nothing if not a gentleman. So he gently moved her to pick her up in his arms, noting how light she felt, and carried her carefully to her tent.

Alistair watched her as she walked over to Leliana, who was offering her a bowl of the last of the soup she had given him this morning. Elissa gave Leliana a sweet smile before taking the bowl from her hands. Alistair smiled to himself as he approached. "I'm amazed there was any of that left, I was sure I had drained the pot dry." He said as they both turned to look at him.

"You almost did, had I not made sure to save some for Elissa here." Leliana said in a kind manner, laying a hand on Elissa's arm. Elissa nodded her head towards the woman. "I thank you kind woman. I'll remember this the next time you need a favor. This smells delicious by the way." She said lifting the bowl closer to her face. "I'll eat this while Alistair here changes into his armor, we will be leaving after that."

Alistair nodded and headed off for his tent, and began to put on his armor when he ran into a problem.

"Umm...Elissa?" He called out from inside his tent.

"What is it Alistair?"

"I need help buckling my breat plate." He said sheepishly, though he should have been thinking about this. He didn't have much problem getting the thing off, but putting it on without a extra pair of hands tended to prove a challenge.

"Oh...well just give me a second..." He heard a clatter of a bowl and Leliana briefly exclaiming. "You've finished already?" followed by Elissa muttering. "I was apparently very hungry."

Alistair listened as her foot steps neared, trying to fight his blush at the embarrassment of having to ask for her help to do this.

"Alright Alistair, lets see what we have to deal with." She pulled back the flap to his tent, and looked him over as he held his breast plate in front of him.

"I'll just need help buckling the sides," He gestured a hand to the leather straps that held his armor in place. "It's a little hard to do on my own." Elissa nodded in understanding, moving closer to him. He maneuvered so the plate was in place before turning to allow her to buckle the straps. Having her close was making him feel strange, she had been closer to him the night before, yet her helping him put his armor on felt so...intimate. Like something a wife might do for her husband. Not that he thought about her in that way of course, she was his friend, his sister in arms. He peered down at her as she fumbled with the last buckle, and saw that her face had turned pink from a light blush. As she leaned back to look over her work he brought a hand up to cover a cough as he cleared his throat.

"Umm..Thank you. I'm sorry about this." He said running his hand through his hair in a nervous tick.

"It's alright Alistair," She laid a hand on his shoulder shaking his playfully. "Lets just call this repayment for helping me with my tent last night."

"Alright I can work with that." He said as he watched her turn to leave his tent.

"Now come on, I'm sure we have a fair bit of walking to do before we reach Redcliff." She said exiting through the flap.

Redcliff. Where they had met.

Alistair grimaced.

And where he would have to tell her the truth.


	9. On The Road

The wind had picked up as The day wore on, causing the dust from the road to kick up wanting to blind Elissa as she walked next to Bohdan's cart. She gave a silent prayer of thanks that she had a tie to pin her long hair back, she loved her hair but when the wind blew she hated it intensely. She raised a hand to shield her eyes from another cloud of dust when she felt someone walk up next to her.

"Here, this might help," Leliana held out Elissa's cloak, with her own pulled up in attempt to protect her face. "I couldn't take watching you struggle against the wind."

Elissa took the cloak from her, gladly wrapping it around her. "Thank you so much," She pulled the hood up, pulling it as low as she could. "You think I would have had the sense to keep this on me while we traveled, but apparently not." A soft giggle was Leliana's response as she moved to walk side by side with the grey warden.

"We haven't had much of a chance to talk since we left Lothering," Leliana's lilting voice seemed designed to comfort and draw the attention of whom ever she was speaking to. "I know that I must have sounded crazy, talking of my vision from the Maker. Yet you agreed to have me follow you anyway."

Looking over at the red headed woman, Elissa could see again what she had seen that day in the dark tavern, sincerity and conviction.

"I'm not sure how much I believe in your vision, since I haven't seen it myself, but I believe you mean what you say," Leliana looked a bit surprised at the young rogue's words. "I don't have many people that I can trust in the world right now, but I would like to hope you will be one of them."

"Yes of course," Leliana said in earnest. "It would be nice to have a friend that I could trust in these difficult times."

Elissa nodded at the words, shielding her eyes again from a burst of wind. "Looks as if today we aren't going to make as much progress as I had hoped. Maybe we should look at the map to find a good place to stop for the night. Plus my feet could use a rest." She grimaced at her sore feet.

"I couldn't agree more." Came a deep voice from behind the two. "At least you aren't marching around in full armor." The pair of woman turned to see Alistair approaching from the back, Summer following at his side. The hound quickened his pace to nuzzle up to his masters side.

"Then lets stop at that grove of trees up ahead, there should be a creek nearby and Bohdan can water his horse." Elissa pointed off to a grouping of taller trees a ways up the road. Alistair gave out a long sigh, making an exaggerated gesture of wiping the sweat from his brow.

"I suppose if you must make me walk that far then I will make that sacrifice." Elissa smacked him in the shoulder as he walked past them grinning at his back.

Leliana looked between the two and giggled quietly. "So, you and Alistair?"

Elissa turned to look at her. "What about Alistair and I?"

"Well you seem so, close with each other." She said smiling slyly.

Elissa quickly looked away, fixing her eyes on Alistair's back. "Of course we are, we have known each other since we were children." She trailed off watching him walk away. "He's one of the few people who I feel safe with." She quietly admitted before picking up her pace to catch up to him. Leliana watched her go, wondering what the future may bring. Summer bumped against her leg, and she reached down to stroke his ear.

Sten had taken position standing in the front of the clearing, wordlessly keeping watch. While Morrigan had come slinking into the make shift camp after not been seen for most of the day. Alistair gave a silent prayer of thanks for that fact as he hadn't had to deal with the aggravating witch's comments. He took a rag out of his pack and started to walk towards the nearby stream to wet the cloth and wipe off his dust covered face.

He walked past the trees and found Elissa and her hound sitting alongside the bank of the stream. She was leaning into Summer, whispering quietly. Alistair felt like a interloper in a private scene. The desperation for a clean face however drove him to continue forward, coughing loudly to announce his presence.

Elissa looked over her should at him as he drew near.

"Sorry," he said raising the cloth in his hand as a explanation. "I'll be quick then I'll leave you be."

"No, it's alright. I wouldn't mind some more company." Summer grumbled his agreement and lolled his tongue out the side of his mouth. Alistair knelt down next to her. "Well thank you, there wasn't much conversation to be had. Leliana was off talking about some sort of supplies with Bohdan so I kind of ran out of people who weren't completely strange."

Elissa laughed loudly. "And you thought that I was less strange?"

"Well I didn't say that." He said elbowing her in the side.

They pushed each other playfully before falling into a companionable silence. Alistair washed his face in the stream, loving the cool feel on his face.

"So, heading back to Redcliff after all this time." Elissa said scratching behind Summer's ear. "Can't wait to see Isolde again, you know that whenever we saw them at court after that summer she refused to speak to me other than the normal pleasantries?"

Alistair scoffed at her, nodding his head in understanding. "That does sound like her. Always pleasant in public."

Elissa looked out across the water. "I asked about you."

"What?" Alistair turned to look at her.

"I asked about you, the first time we saw them again after we left." She said quietly, so softly the Alistair had to lean in to hear her. "I asked how you were and why you weren't in Demerim with them. They acted like they didn't know what I was talking about." She didn't add how she continued to ask until she eventually gave up, simply believing that she would never see him again.

Alistair felt something stir in his chest, he was used to being in the background, living with the knowledge that no one really cared about him or what he wanted for himself. It was such a foreign sensation.

"I….I was probably already gone by then," he ran a hand through his hair. "They gave me to the Chantry not long after that summer. So they honestly wouldn't have much to say about me. Not that they really did before that."

Elissa clenched her fists, anger seeping through her. Anger at the treatment this sweet man has had to endure at the hands of those who should have taken care of him. "I could see how this could get a bit awkward." She said trying to get her emotions about everything under control.

"Yeah for more than a few reasons." Alistair muttered under his breath. "I think we should get moving soon, the wind has died down a little." He stood up and offered her a hand up. She put her hand in his and after he pulled her up he gave her hand a little squeeze. "Thank you, for listening to my complaining."

"I didn't consider that complaining Alistair, and you certainly listen to my problems often enough." She smiled at him looking in him in the eye. "Anytime you want to talk I'm here."

Elissa turned to walk away, leaving Alistair standing by the creek flexing the hand she had been holding.

"Is that a village up ahead?" Leliana pointed to some smoke rising over the treetops in front of them.

Elissa rested a hand on the dagger at her side. "I don't remember seeing one on the map when I checked earlier. Maybe Summer and I will go check it out." She motioned for the Mabari to follow her.

"Wait! You shouldn't be going with just the two of you." Alistair put a hand on her shoulder stopping her from continuing.

"Look, we aren't sure whats ahead of us and I am certainly more quiet than you are." She reached up and removed his hand. "I'll send Summer back if I need help. He can run fast enough to be back here in less than a minute." Summer woofed standing solidly at her side.

"Fine, but don't do anything reckless." Elissa nodded and crept away into the brush to scout forward.

Elissa crouched low to the ground, moving as silently beneath the trees till she came to a large bush situated in front of a camp site. a camp site that was currently occupied by two men. Men who looked like they had been on the road for days if not weeks. Turning, Elissa held a finger to her lips, signalling to Summer to sit while she listened in to see if they were dangerous.

a gruff voice, bellowing from the clearing with laughter caught her attention. " Then he comes runnin' at me like some great fool. Me in all my armor and this little elf with a kitchen knife." The gruff voice belongs to a giant man who was more bear than face. He paused his story to take a large swig from his water skin. Judging by the red about what little of his cheeks Elissa could see it was not wine in the skin. "So here he comes running at me, cursing me for having killed the other knife ear girl, and I just swing my sword once and he's down. Nearly cut the boy in two, fool."

His companion muttered his agreement. He didn't look nearly as weathered or burly as the mad who sat across from him, but there was something about him that set Elissa's teeth on edge. He had the smooth voice of a young man who had not yet lived a hard life. "That was in the kitchens yeah? That was probably easier than taking the damn front gate. Didn't take long to break down the door, but there was a mess of soldiers inside." The young man moved his hands as he spoke, illustrating the large force he had faced. "That red headed bastard was worth five men too, I had seen him fight in tourneys for the Cousland's before. Gilmore I think his name was." Elissa's stomach dropped. "Didn't go down without a fight that one." He muttered quietly, looking down at a bowl of food in his lap.

"Still," The older man started in. "I was there when we found the bastards themselves, the lord and lady of the place, cowering in some back room." Elissa clenched her teeth, her hands hurting from gripping the handle of her daggers so hard.

"The lord was already bleeding everywhere, but the lady had a bow and arrows, had taken out six or seven of our men before we got there. Then Howe comes in behind us and the bitch is out of arrows. So Howe tells her he will let them live if she begs him to." Elissa moves forward slowly, not letting them take notice of her.

"Crazy woman refuses, so then Howe laughs and has Nick shoot the lord in the head with his crossbow. Then when the woman's all out of sorts he grabs her and-" The words are brought to and end as Elissa's dagger finds a new home in the mans throat.


	10. Control

Alistair stood leaning against Bohdan’s wagon, thinking about what he would say to her when they reached Red Cliff. He shouldn’t have kept it from her anyway, he would rather be the one to tell her than Eamon.  But how would he tell her? ‘Oh, by the way, I just happen to be a bastard. But wait, not just any bastard. King Maric’s bastard!’ Alistair gave an exasperated sigh. He would just have to be brutally honest with her, and hope she wouldn’t see him any differently.

 

               Speaking of which, where was she? Taking a step away from the cart, He looked over to see Leliana pacing not so subtly near the tree line where Elissa had disappeared into. “She should have been back by now,” She said as he approached. “But I haven’t seen or heard anything yet and I am getting worried.” Alistair scanned the trees, seeing if he could sense any darkspawn nearby.

 

As they were watching the tree line the sound of frantic barking and the sounds of a large animal running through the brush. Summer burst through the bushes, panting heavily and barking at the two.

 

“This can’t be good.” Alistair watched as Summer turned back towards the woods whining and pawing at the ground, signaling them to follow.  Alistair placed his hand on his sword and turned to call to Sten, only to find him close behind them.

 

“Okay Summer, lead the way.” Leliana had her bow in hand as they were lead through the trees by the Mabari. 

 

Alistair was keeping his nerves under control, or at least was trying to. As far as he could tell Summer almost never left Elissa unless he had to. The forest was still and quiet except for the cawing of a crow overhead.  

Leliana raised a hand, signaling for him to stop. She pointed ahead to a gap in the trees where a soft whimper could be heard. Dread settled in Alistair’s stomach as they drew closer.

 

The first thing they saw was the blood everywhere, second was Elissa, standing over a man, her foot on his chest. The sense of dread Alistair felt lessened a bit, but soon returned as he saw another body close by. It appeared to be a large man, who looked like he had his throat torn out.

Leliana appeared to be just as confused, when they heard Elissa speak, low, and full of anger.

 

“Say it.”  The man under her gurgled a whimper.

“I said, SAY IT!” She shouted as she lifted her leg only to slam it back down on him.

“I’m-I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please…” It sounded like the man was close to sobbing. 

Alistair and Leliana had yet to move into the clearing, transfixed by Elissa’s treatment of this man. Even from a distance Alistair could see cuts, and bruised covering his face and working lower along his neck. Elissa herself wasn’t free of injuries, a long cut went across her cheek, but other than a few bruises it was evident who had the upper hand in the fight.

“That’s what you tried to make her say isn’t it?” The cold steel of Elissa’s voice cut through the man’s quiet sobs. “But she wouldn’t, because she was twice as strong as any of you vermin are.” She ground her heel further into his chest. “I just wanted to prove that to you before I treat you the same way you treated her.”

 

With that Elissa took her dagger in hand a leaned over, letting the blade hover above his face. The man, struggled under her, but she kept him still. Her face a calm mask. “I’m sorry.” He said weakly, tears streaming down his face.

 

“Ask the Maker for forgiveness, you’ll find none here.”

And with that she reached down and slit the man’s throat.

 

Alistair didn’t know when Leliana had grabbed onto him, but he suddenly felt her shaking his arm, snapping him back to his senses.  He looked over at her, silently asking her what they should do. He saw just as much confusion in her eyes. Sten just stood silently behind them, nothing indicating how the Qunari felt about this.

 

“You might as well come out now,” Elissa’s voice made Alistair flinch, and look back to see her green eyes staring back at him, her face covered with blood. “Didn’t know I had an audience, guess Summer found you.” She casually wiped her dagger with a cloth from her pocket. Walking towards them like nothing had just happened. “Sorry for worrying you, just taking care of some business. Now, let’s go back to the cart so I can get cleaned up.” With that she walked past them. What made Alistair’s blood run cold was the grin that she held as she passed.

 

* * *

 

 

Morrigan had returned shortly after they made it back to the cart, sadly she didn’t know much in the way of healing magic so Elissa now had a scar across her right cheek. Not that she really cared. She was still riding on the adrenalin from dealing with those murderers earlier. While Morrigan was helping her she could see Leliana and Alistair off to the side talking furiously with each other, throwing glances her way.

“Twas quite the spectacle earlier.” Morrigan bluntly stated. “Not that I take offense to it, though I’m sure the other’s wonder what it was all about.”

Elissa looked the witch in the eyes, trying to read her. “And you know, do you?”

Morrigan took Elissa’s chin in hand, moving her face to the side so she could get a better look at a cut along her collar bone. “I had the benefit of getting there earlier than those two, as such I was able to hear you’re stirring speech of revenge.” Elissa grimaced, glaring off into the distance.  She knew how it must have looked from the outside, but in the moment she hadn’t cared. She had just needed those men dead, it was all she wanted. Admittedly part of her had hoped that she could have done it quickly and no one would know.

When Morrigan was done with her she turned back to look at Alistair who was standing up the road, arms crossed, looking far ahead.  She frowned at his back, and felt a small part of herself, the part that had taken such joy in killing those men, crack and an emptiness filled the cracks.

 

* * *

 

The day had worn on as the group had made it to a small village that had a small inn, and with some persuasive magic Elissa arranged for some rooms. Morrigan and Sten insisted they didn’t need rooms and left the inn soon after.  Alistair was grateful for the privacy of a room, after a few weeks of sleeping in tents, having the luxury of a bed was a welcome one. It took no time for him to settle into the small room, stripping out of his armor, and into some more comfortable clothes.

The privacy also gave him time to sort out his thoughts. He and Elissa had not spoken of what happened, in fact they hadn’t spoken period. He sat down on the bed, resting his head in his hands. She had just looked so…cruel. Even if that man had deserved to die, she didn’t need to torment him. It was just illustrating to him how, no matter how close they had been, he really didn’t know her at all.

 

He was interrupted by a soft knock on his door.

 

“Come in.” He called out, sitting up hands resting on his legs. The door cracked, revealing Elissa who peaked around the door sheepishly. Her long hair hung over her shoulders and looked damp, as if she has just washed it.

“Can I come in?” She asked.  Alistair heaved a sigh and motioned for her to come in.  She entered the room, closing the door behind her. For a moment she stood by the door, her eyes cast towards her toes, before she walked across the room to sit next to him on the bed. She clasped her hands in front of her and stretched her legs out in front of her.

 Alistair stared at the wall across from them, trying to think of something to say, anything that would be adequate.

 

She beat him to it though. “I’m sorry for this afternoon.” Her voice was soft, just above a whisper. “I lost control of myself. I’m sad that you saw me like that.”  

 

“Can you tell me what happened exactly? What did they do to you?” He turned to face her, but her head was bowed, and her hair fell, hiding her face.

 

“I was scouting ahead, and I ran into them….and they were talking…” He could her her flexing her hands together. “They were talking about what happened at Highever, about what happened to my parents once I escaped with Duncan. They were there, they were a part of it. I just couldn’t……I couldn’t….”  

She drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her head on her knees. It was like she was curling in on herself, trying to disappear.

 

She was such a contradiction, fragile, yet strong. Wounded, yet kind. Alistair didn’t know what to think.

 

“I lost control.” Her voice cracked as she continued. “I wanted them done, I wanted them to be erased, and I wanted to make them feel everything I felt. I wanted to make them suffer.”

 

Alistair raised a hand, and slowly rested it on the middle of her back trying not to startle her. “That’s understandable, they did a terrible thing to you.”

 

Elissa raised her head to look him in the eye. She looked completely lost.

“Don’t you see though? I don’t want this to make me a monster.”  Alistair pulled her to him, cradling her against him, running his hand along her back soothingly.

“You are no monster Elissa, Rendon Howe is, Loghain is, but you are not.” Elissa nuzzled into his neck. “And I will not let you become one.”

* * *

 

 

Light filtered through a window, the muffled sounds of people talking drifted up through the floor boards as Elissa opened her eyes the next morning. Groaning and closing her eyes once more she turned and scooted closer to the warmth of her bed. Only to meet with something large, and something breathing. It wasn’t unusual for Summer to sneak into her bed at night so she wrapped an arm around the warmth and let out a contented sigh.

 

The first indication that this was not Summer came when the object wrapped an arm around her as well.

 

Her eyes flew open and she was met with the slight of a chest. Looking slightly upwards revealed that the chest belonged to none other than Alistair, who was currently sound asleep. In fact what she thought was a pillow earlier turned out to be Alistair’s arm, which was currently around her shoulders, pinning her to him.

 

Elissa could feel the warmth traveling across her face, when the events of last night came rushing back to her.

 

She had come in to talk with Alistair about what had happened, they had talked. Once she had calmed down they continued to talk. And talk.

 

In fact she remembered them laying on the bed talking. But what she didn’t remember was falling asleep.

And now she couldn’t move. Lovely.

 

On her list of embarrassing moments this would have to be up there. Alongside the time she had tripped going down some stairs and had managed to take our Ser Gilmore, a vase, and a plate of roast chicken with her.

While she was mentally reliving this event, Alistair started to stir.

In the moment the only thing Elissa could think to do was close her eyes and pretend to still be asleep.  As she did this she feel Alistair move slightly and felt the movement as he lifted his head to look down at their position.

“Oh, Maker...” He whispered, gently removing his arm from her shoulder.

She used this as an excuse to act like she had just woken up. Reaching up to rub her eyes, she heard Alistair’s voice. “Well, good morning.”

She looked up at him faking shock. “Oh…Good morning.”

Alistair moved his arm from under her head and sat up. “I uhh….I trust you slept well?” 

Elissa maneuvered to sit up next to him on the small bed. “Umm, yes thank you.”

“Good.” Alistair fiddled with the blanket looking everywhere around the room. “So, maybe we should go see what’s for breakfast.”

“Oh, yes, great idea.” Elissa agreed hoping this awkward moment would be done soon.

Just as that thought finished the door to opened.

“Alistair,” Leliana’s voice drifted in. “I was wondering if you had seen Elissa. I just checked her room and-“The door was fully open, and she looked at Elissa, and Alistair. In bed. Together. Silence fell for just a moment before Leliana let out a light giggle. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, I’ll just see you both downstairs.” With that she closed the door, leaving them both mortified.

 

“Maker’s breath, that’s all we need.” Alistair groaned.

 

Elissa just covered her face with her hands, hoping to hide, forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Dragon Age belongs to Bioware, not me. 
> 
> This is a fic that I started on FF.net under the name PlasterRose and this is actually chapters 1-4 combined, mainly because i felt that apart they were too short. 
> 
> I always had the idea of these two meeting as children rattling around in my head, yet i hadn't seen many stories about it so here I am writing my own.


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